| 00:00:02 | >> Milton, thank you so very
..
|
| 00:00:08 | >> I just want to tell ya--
that from the bottom of
my heart,
it's a pleasure to be here.
|
| 00:00:11 | I'm one of your big fans.
|
| 00:00:12 | >> Thank you.
|
| 00:00:13 | >> I've been watching you
since I was this--
>> [laughing] no, no, no.
|
| 00:00:17 | >> No, I'm only kidding.
|
| 00:00:18 | I must say in all sincerity,
I have seen you so many times
getting younger
i, mean, I've never seen
you look better in your
whole life.
|
| 00:00:26 | Do you agree with me ladies
and gentleman.
|
| 00:00:27 | [Audience applause]
>> thank you.
|
| 00:00:29 | >> I really mean that.
|
| 00:00:30 | >> I think that you need
glasses.
|
| 00:00:32 | >> What?
|
| 00:00:33 | >> I said, I think you
need glasses.
|
| 00:00:34 | >> [Laughs]
that's true.
|
| 00:00:36 | >> [Laughing]
milton berle ladies and
gentleman.
|
| 00:00:40 | [Audience applause]
>> [laughing]
>> I'll always be very, very
grateful to milton for lending
us his star power.
|
| 00:00:48 | That was our very first
blooper show--
long, long time ago.
|
| 00:00:52 | You will truly be missed.
|
| 00:00:54 | Thank you very much
for watching.
|
| 00:00:56 | ..
|
| 00:00:57 | So long.
|
| 00:02:32 | [Whistle blowing]
captioning made possible bydisney--abc domestic
television
uhh.
|
| 00:03:55 | [Groans]
[groans]
[sighs]
[whistles]
[plink]
[plinking]
[sighs]
come on, boy.let's go to work, boy.
|
| 00:04:40 | [Screech]
we're late, man.we're late.
|
| 00:04:45 | Oh, just great.there's wilkes.
|
| 00:04:47 | Give me the keys!why?
|
| 00:04:48 | Just give methe keys, man.
|
| 00:04:49 | Just hit the possum next time.
|
| 00:04:51 | We're federal agents.duh!
|
| 00:04:52 | Whoa, whoa,hey, hey!
|
| 00:04:53 | Hey, you guys can'tpark right here.
|
| 00:04:55 | It's ok. we're withthe government.
|
| 00:04:57 | Oh, yeah?is that right?
|
| 00:04:58 | Well, I'm withmall security.
|
| 00:05:00 | Now, you federal boys mightcall the shots
out there,
but whenyou're in this mall,
you're undermy jurisdiction,
and that car's parkedin a fire zone!
|
| 00:05:06 | That's right, sir.you're absolutely right.
|
| 00:05:09 | What's your name?hill.
|
| 00:05:10 | Officer hill,how you doing, sir?
|
| 00:05:11 | I'm fine.
|
| 00:05:12 | I'm agent simms withthe secret service agency.
|
| 00:05:13 | We have a major operationgoing on here,
and we'll need your help.
|
| 00:05:15 | can we count on
you?
|
| 00:05:17 | Yes, sir,you can count on me.
|
| 00:05:18 | Now, I need youto watch this car.
|
| 00:05:20 | Guard it with your life.can you do that?
|
| 00:05:22 | Yes, sir, I can.
|
| 00:05:23 | What's so importantabout this car?
|
| 00:05:24 | ..you know.
|
| 00:05:27 | Oh, yeah, I get it.i understand.
|
| 00:05:29 | Take good care of.no problem.
|
| 00:05:30 | I gotta make you an honorarysecret service
agent.
|
| 00:05:32 | Yes, sir.
|
| 00:05:33 | Grab my shoulders.
|
| 00:05:34 | Grab yourshoulders.
|
| 00:05:35 | Frisk me.frisk you.
|
| 00:05:36 | Turn around.give me a bump.
|
| 00:05:37 | There you go.thank you very much.
|
| 00:05:38 | Yes, sir. guard the car.
|
| 00:05:39 | Just guardthe car.
|
| 00:05:40 | Why don't you justshoot him next time?
|
| 00:05:46 | [Cereal crunching]
let's go. we're late.
|
| 00:06:07 | Hey, I stillhave milk left.
|
| 00:06:09 | Leave it.
|
| 00:06:11 | ..as usual.
|
| 00:06:13 | I'm nottaking the fall
for you this time.let's go.
|
| 00:06:18 | Move it.
|
| 00:06:22 | luke, honey,
um, you're 10 minutes late.
|
| 00:06:26 | We were supposed to leave at 9:30.
|
| 00:06:28 | Woods, why didn't you say something?
|
| 00:06:29 | Agent woods, you're supposed to remind him
of the time.
|
| 00:06:32 | He's--he's a child.
|
| 00:06:33 | He can't keep his own schedule.
|
| 00:06:35 | i--
let's go. ok?
|
| 00:06:46 | Let's go. ok.
|
| 00:06:58 | Don't worry about it. just follow my lead.
|
| 00:07:00 | I think I found it!
|
| 00:07:02 | What? bark.
|
| 00:07:03 | [Barking] aah!
|
| 00:07:06 | How you doing, sir? fine.
|
| 00:07:09 | Major simms, secret service.
|
| 00:07:11 | Agent dash, secret service.
|
| 00:07:12 | Got a little bomb threat here with the donuts.
|
| 00:07:14 | Could we check out those bear claws?
|
| 00:07:16 | Yes, sir.
|
| 00:07:17 | No! do you want to blow us all up?
|
| 00:07:20 | No.
|
| 00:07:20 | Be careful. get that big bear claw.
|
| 00:07:22 | Don't use your hands, man!
|
| 00:07:23 | Use that tong! where you from?
|
| 00:07:25 | Now, hurry up. might be on a timer.
|
| 00:07:26 | And get those little peanut clusters.
|
| 00:07:28 | Could be a peanut bomb.
|
| 00:07:29 | And get the little candy sprinkles.
|
| 00:07:30 | They love to use that.
|
| 00:07:31 | The enemy is real hip to the candy thing.
|
| 00:07:32 | Sir, can we check a frosty long john, please?
|
| 00:07:34 | I don't think so, agent dash!
|
| 00:07:36 | Could you put those in a box for the bomb
squad?
|
| 00:07:38 | Yes, sir.
|
| 00:07:39 | Freeze! I'll be back in a minute.
|
| 00:07:40 | Don't you move, don't you breathe.
|
| 00:07:42 | Any kind of pressure could set this off.
|
| 00:07:44 | [Sirens]
I don't want any incidents today.
|
| 00:07:54 | You are in high school now and I expect you
to act like it.
|
| 00:07:57 | Then don't dress me in these dorky clothes.
|
| 00:08:01 | You're not dressed in dorky clothes.
|
| 00:08:03 | You're in nice clothes. you look very handsome.
|
| 00:08:06 | You should consider yourself lucky.
|
| 00:08:09 | I should consider myself dorky.
|
| 00:08:13 | [Chuckles]
my man? my man? hand me the box.
|
| 00:08:19 | Thank you for watching it for us.
|
| 00:08:22 | Your country thanks you, ok?
|
| 00:08:24 | Yes, sir. cool. oh!
|
| 00:08:26 | Dash, how many times do I have to tell you
we can't have donuts on duty!
|
| 00:08:30 | Sir, this is agent dash.
|
| 00:08:30 | I think you remember him from this morning.
|
| 00:08:32 | Roger? yes, sir?
|
| 00:08:33 | Tell cliff I can't hold his dog
when he goes to the bathroom.
|
| 00:08:35 | I just can't. I have my own job to do.
|
| 00:08:37 | Ok.
|
| 00:08:38 | You keep this up
and you're going to be on field duty forever.
|
| 00:08:41 | If morton had seen that, you'd be laying
your badge
on the counter right now. I mean it.
|
| 00:08:45 | Come on, sir, I'm just joking.
|
| 00:08:47 | You're always just joking,
and jokers don't protect the president.
|
| 00:08:50 | They stay in the field.
|
| 00:08:52 | That's not fair, sir.
|
| 00:08:52 | You know when it comes to my job I'm serious.
|
| 00:08:54 | I'm out there, taking care of business.
|
| 00:08:56 | I've proven myself.
|
| 00:08:57 | I know you have, sammy, but it's not about
that.
|
| 00:08:59 | It's about the little things.
|
| 00:09:00 | The donuts, the fake dog poop at the inaugural.
|
| 00:09:04 | Not funny, sir. that was not funny.
|
| 00:09:06 | The right attitude!
|
| 00:09:08 | From now on, if I could get crown,
I have the right attitude, ok?
|
| 00:09:11 | I'll buy more little brown ugly clip-on ties.
|
| 00:09:13 | I will do whatever it takes.
|
| 00:09:15 | I'm going by the book from now on.
|
| 00:09:16 | They'll call me sammy "by the book" simms.
|
| 00:09:18 | Sir, here's that explosive coffee,
2 sugars.
|
| 00:09:24 | Radio: Package is approaching the mall, sir,
and it has arrived.
|
| 00:09:27 | Ok, caravan's here. get out there.
|
| 00:09:30 | Yes, sir.
|
| 00:09:31 | Leave the donuts!
|
| 00:09:33 | Ok, sir.
|
| 00:09:33 | Put the bear claw back. thank you very much.
|
| 00:09:37 | [Marching band music playing]
[crowd cheering]
[cameras clicking]
mom, look at all these cameras!
|
| 00:09:45 | I'm not going in there.
|
| 00:09:46 | Of course you are. we do this every year.
|
| 00:09:50 | I'm not going in there.
|
| 00:09:53 | Do you want me to call your father?
|
| 00:09:55 | Why not? at least I'd get to talk to him.
|
| 00:09:59 | Look, I know this is hard,
but you are going to get out of the car
and when you do,
you are going to be the happiest kid
that ever went back-to-school shopping.
|
| 00:10:09 | Ok, sweetheart?
|
| 00:10:13 | [Rattles door handle]
ok. all right. that's great. come on.
|
| 00:10:20 | Open the door.
|
| 00:10:25 | [Grunts]
[unlocks door]
mm-hmm.
|
| 00:10:30 | [Crowd cheering]
[reporters shouting questions]
mom, can I try one of these?
|
| 00:10:49 | No. we have a schedule to keep.
|
| 00:10:51 | We were late leaving, remember?
|
| 00:10:54 | Mom, it'll just take a minute.
|
| 00:10:56 | Be a good boy. don't embarrass your mommy.
|
| 00:10:59 | Ow!
|
| 00:11:05 | ..
|
| 00:11:06 | Dead people wear this stuff.
|
| 00:11:08 | Reporter: Ha! did you hear that?
|
| 00:11:09 | [Sighs] kids don't like dress clothes.
|
| 00:11:12 | What can I say?
|
| 00:11:14 | Mom, I said I didn't want to shop here.
|
| 00:11:17 | ..
|
| 00:11:19 | Man: Big smile now.
|
| 00:11:21 | Get rid of the cameras.
|
| 00:11:25 | Let's go.
|
| 00:11:26 | What are you doing?
|
| 00:11:28 | Why do we have to shop here?
|
| 00:11:29 | Because america shops here.
|
| 00:11:31 | Your father runs america so we shop here.
|
| 00:11:33 | You don't shop here.
|
| 00:11:35 | Never mind where I shop.
|
| 00:11:37 | Would you help me with this, please?
|
| 00:11:39 | davenport, how do you find time
to shop with your busy schedule?
|
| 00:11:42 | You heard your mother. put these on.
|
| 00:11:43 | It's a balancing act for all working mothers.
|
| 00:11:45 | And when you get right down to it,
that's what I am.
|
| 00:11:49 | Get your butt in the dressing room.
|
| 00:11:51 | Luke: Ow!
|
| 00:11:52 | What are you doing?
|
| 00:11:53 | Luke: You're hurting me!
|
| 00:11:55 | What do you think you're doing?
|
| 00:11:57 | Don't ever touch him that way again.
|
| 00:11:59 | He wouldn't move.
|
| 00:12:00 | You told me to put him in the dressing--
that is not what I meant and you know it.
|
| 00:12:04 | Get in the dressing room, please.
|
| 00:12:08 | [Sighs] what?
|
| 00:12:09 | I don't want him guarding my son anymore.
|
| 00:12:12 | You get me an agent who can deal with a child.
|
| 00:12:15 | Reporter: You picking that up, brian?
|
| 00:12:18 | [Scoffs]
Woods: Unbelievable.
|
| 00:12:23 | Thank you.
|
| 00:12:24 | Simms! simms!
|
| 00:12:26 | [Reporters shouting]
[reporter laughing]
[cameras clicking]
you've been in the service 5 years.
|
| 00:12:41 | 2 Meritorious service awards.
|
| 00:12:48 | Why is your earpiece not in your ear?
|
| 00:12:51 | Oh, sir, the high frequencies bother me,
so I take it out from time to time
just to relieve the pressure.
|
| 00:12:56 | It seems there's always something with you,
simms.
|
| 00:12:59 | "My bulletproof vest causes chafing"?
|
| 00:13:01 | It's a family thing, sir. more like a rash.
|
| 00:13:04 | "
sir, I've lost a lot of weight since then.
|
| 00:13:09 | I've been working out--
sit down.
|
| 00:13:13 | It's-- shut up.
|
| 00:13:15 | Listen, I understand
you did a good job in the field today.
|
| 00:13:19 | But even so, you've got a file
full of borderline regulation infractions,
which is why what I'm about to do
is against my better judgment.
|
| 00:13:28 | This afternoon you'll be assigned a new detail.
|
| 00:13:31 | Effective at 1700 hours,
..
|
| 00:13:35 | Yes!
|
| 00:13:35 | ..
|
| 00:13:40 | No.
|
| 00:13:40 | Code name "prince," also known as luke davenport.
|
| 00:13:46 | I am so flattered, you just don't know.
|
