| 00:00:00 | Good year for y'all, though,
right now.
|
| 00:00:02 | Got--before I even get started,
shouts out--
>> kevin!
|
| 00:00:05 | >> Hey, sugarfoot.
|
| 00:00:05 | How you doing?
|
| 00:00:07 | How you doing, sweetie?
|
| 00:00:09 | Get it out now before we get
started.
|
| 00:00:10 | Shouts out to my man shaq
up front showing love,
the cavs.
|
| 00:00:17 | My man lebron in the house.
|
| 00:00:18 | Shout to your boy lebron
in the house.
|
| 00:00:21 | [cheers and applause]
It's a good year for y'all,
a good year for y'all.
|
| 00:00:26 | Y'all might do it.
|
| 00:00:27 | Y'all might do it.
|
| 00:00:30 | All right, look, y'all got me up
here for a while,out an hour.
|
| 00:00:35 | I'm gonna be up here about an
hour.
|
| 00:00:36 | Now, in this time, y'all are
gonna hear a lot of stuff.
|
| 00:00:38 | I'm not gonna lie to y'all.
|
| 00:00:39 | Don't judge me.
|
| 00:00:40 | I don't want nobody judging me.
|
| 00:00:42 | I love to be honest when I'm
onstage, man.
|
| 00:00:44 | I talk about things that I know:
My family, my kids.
|
| 00:00:47 | I love to talk about my babies.
|
| 00:00:48 | a little boy,
a little girl.
|
| 00:00:49 | Now, I used to talk about my son
being a dumb baby.
|
| 00:00:51 | I used to.
|
| 00:00:54 | No, I'm serious. I did.
|
| 00:00:54 | I thought my baby was a dumb
baby.
|
| 00:00:56 | But've realized
he's not dumb.
|
| 00:00:57 | HE JUST DOES DUMB [bleep].
|
| 00:00:58 | Like, I don't--i don't like the
way my son throws his tantrums.
|
| 00:01:02 | You know, when a baby throw a
tantrum, he's supposed to fall
out, cry, roll on the ground.
|
| 00:01:05 | That's a tantrum.
|
| 00:01:06 | It's not a joke.
|
| 00:01:07 | This is for real.
|
| 00:01:08 | This is what my son does when he
gets mad.
|
| 00:01:10 | I'm not lying.
|
| 00:01:10 | Don't make me laugh.
|
| 00:01:11 | Look, this is what he do.
|
| 00:01:13 | ..
|
| 00:01:16 | This is what he do.
|
| 00:01:17 | ..
|
| 00:01:18 | Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah,
ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah.
|
| 00:01:22 | It's the most retarded thing
I've ever seen in my life.
|
| 00:01:25 | I can't say nothing.
|
| 00:01:26 | I got to wait till he's finished
and explain to people
what happened.
|
| 00:01:29 | He got an attitude, because he
can't get no candy.
|
| 00:01:32 | "
the baby is weird, man.
|
| 00:01:35 | When he get mad, he gets in the
oven.
|
| 00:01:37 | I swear to god.
|
| 00:01:38 | He gets in the oven and get an
attitude with me when I get
him out.
|
| 00:01:42 | "Boy, get your ass out
"
"
"get your ass out the oven
"
when I say that, he go,
"hot, hot.
|
| 00:01:53 | "
I love him to death, though,
man.
|
| 00:01:58 | Two: little boy, little girl.
|
| 00:01:59 | Now, my daughter--my daughter's
a different ball game.
|
| 00:02:01 | My daughter's spoiled, man,
about to be five, spoiled.
|
| 00:02:03 | I'm not gonna lie.
|
| 00:02:04 | I spoil her.
|
| 00:02:05 | That's what I'm supposed to do.
|
| 00:02:06 | She's at that age now, though,
where she knows.
|
| 00:02:08 | Like, she know how to play me
and her mom against each other.
|
| 00:02:10 | She know how to make us fight.
|
| 00:02:11 | Here's how she got me in trouble
the other day, right?
|
| 00:02:13 | She came in the room.
|
| 00:02:14 | She hit me with the soft voice.
|
| 00:02:15 | She was like, "dad, can I have
"
I said, "yeah, baby, come on,
"
I start walking towards the
kitchen.
|
| 00:02:21 | Out of nowhere, all I hear is,
"don't give her no goddamned
"
SCARED THE [bleep] OUT OF ME.
|
| 00:02:27 | I stopped.
|
| 00:02:29 | I didn't know what it was.
|
| 00:02:30 | I thought it was jesus at first.
|
| 00:02:32 | ..
|
| 00:02:33 | Why can't she have a cookie,
jesus?
|
| 00:02:34 | What did she do?
|
| 00:02:36 | See, but here's how smart
she is.
|
| 00:02:38 | She knew how to get a reaction
out of me.
|
| 00:02:39 | She looked at me.
|
| 00:02:40 | She said, "dad, I thought you
"
when she said that, it set me
off.
|
| 00:02:44 | It riled me up, so I snapped.
|
| 00:02:46 | I SAID, "WHAT THE [bleep]
You mean, she can't have no
goddamned cookie?
|
| 00:02:49 | Well, why'd you buy the cookies
if can't nobody eat a cookie?
|
| 00:02:52 | Well, that makes you stupid for
buying uneatable cookies.
|
| 00:02:54 | "
I shut the whole cookie
operation down.
|
| 00:02:57 | I grabbed the cookies, got my
ladder, put them on top of the
refrigerator.
|
| 00:03:00 | Then I hid my ladder.
|
| 00:03:02 | It's not a--
it wasn't a big ladder.
|
| 00:03:04 | It was a--
three steps.
|
| 00:03:06 | It was a ladder for thugs,
pat-pat-pat, real quick,
a little--a little thug ladder.
|
| 00:03:13 | It's a lot of pressure dealing
with kids, man, but I'm
learning.
|
| 00:03:16 | Here's one thing I've learned.
|
| 00:03:17 | Here's why my patience is
getting better.
|
| 00:03:18 | my kids are
gonna make mistakes.
|
| 00:03:21 | when I was
a kid, I made mistakes.
|
| 00:03:24 | I did a lot of stupid stuff as
a child.
|
| 00:03:25 | My blood's in them.
|
| 00:03:26 | They're gonna follow suit.
|
| 00:03:28 | With that being said, I don't
get as mad as I used to.
|
| 00:03:30 | I'm calming down.
|
| 00:03:31 | My daughter cursed for the first
time the other day.
|
| 00:03:33 | I didn't get mad.
|
| 00:03:34 | We was watchingspongebob,
right?
|
| 00:03:36 | Something happened to patrick.
|
| 00:03:37 | Out of nowhere, she got mad.
|
| 00:03:38 | SHE WAS LIKE, "[bleep]."
I said, "wait, what?
|
| 00:03:42 | "
SHE WAS LIKE, "[bleep], THEY
Got patrick, dad.
|
| 00:03:45 | "
"
here's why I didn't get an
attitude.
|
| 00:03:52 | I'm gonna tell you why I didn't
get an attitude, okay?
|
| 00:03:54 | I didn't get an attitude,
because I remember my first time
cussing.
|
| 00:03:57 | My first time cussing was
because my mom smacked me in
front of company.
|
| 00:04:00 | My friends was over at my house.
|
| 00:04:01 | I'm downstairs.
|
| 00:04:02 | We playing.
|
| 00:04:03 | We having a good time.
|
| 00:04:03 | My mom come downstairs.
|
| 00:04:04 | She said, "hey, I told you to
keep it down.
|
| 00:04:06 | You don't run this house.
|
| 00:04:07 | I do, okay?
|
| 00:04:09 | With that being said, that's it.
|
| 00:04:10 | You're done.
|
| 00:04:11 | "
mm, smacked me.
|
| 00:04:13 | Sent me up to my room.
|
| 00:04:14 | Now, you know when you get
smacked, when you're a kid,
you get hyped.
|
| 00:04:16 | When you get by yourself,
"you gonna smack me, bitch?
|
| 00:04:21 | In front of my friends?
|
| 00:04:24 | You gonna smack me in front
"
I was emotional.
|
| 00:04:28 | I was an emotional-ass kid.
|
| 00:04:31 | "I'm running away.
|
| 00:04:32 | "
I packed a bag and everything.
|
| 00:04:35 | You know how many times I packed
a bag with a toy?
|
| 00:04:39 | I packed a bag with one toy.
|
| 00:04:40 | "I'm out.
|
| 00:04:41 | I'm sick of it.
|
| 00:04:42 | "
my mom gave--my mom gave me
permission to cuss one time.
|
| 00:04:52 | One time, she gave me
permission to cuss.
|
| 00:04:54 | I'm in school.
|
| 00:04:54 | I'm being bad.
|
| 00:04:55 | My teacher got mad and said,
"
told me come to the front of the
class, wrote a note, stapled the
note to my chest, said, "make
"
I get home.
|
| 00:05:04 | My mom reads the note.
|
| 00:05:05 | The note said, "maybe if you
showed your son some more
attention at home, he wouldn't
act like a fool in school,"
right?
|
| 00:05:11 | My mom read the note.
|
| 00:05:12 | She said, "let me tell you
something.
|
| 00:05:14 | You tell her,
mind her damn business
before I come down there
"
I said, "okay, do you want me
to say it like that, or do you
"
"what did I say?
|
| 00:05:26 | Tell her mind her damn business
before I come down there and
"
I said, "no, I heard what you
said.
|
| 00:05:33 | I just wanted to make sure that
you know that you're telling me
"
"kevin, if I tell you again,
I'M GONNA SMACK THE [bleep]
"
"okay, no, I got it.
|
| 00:05:40 | Okay, I got it.
|
| 00:05:41 | I got it.
|
| 00:05:42 | Okay, I got it.
|
| 00:05:43 | No, I got it.
|
| 00:05:44 | "
keep in mind, this is a lot of
pressure, all right?
|
| 00:05:48 | My mom just gave me permission
to go to school to cuss my
teacher out.
|
| 00:05:51 | I didn't feel comfortable with
the situation, so I wanted to
practice.
|
| 00:05:53 | I wanted to go upstairs.
|
| 00:05:54 | I wanted to go over my lines.
|
| 00:05:56 | So I'm in the mirror.
|
| 00:05:58 | I'm going over my lines.
|
| 00:05:59 | I'm like, "okay, all right.
|
| 00:06:00 | Okay, all right, okay.
|
| 00:06:03 | My mom told me to tell you
.."
no, that's too loud.
|
| 00:06:08 | That's way too loud.
|
| 00:06:10 | That's not believable.
|
| 00:06:11 | It's too loud.
|
| 00:06:12 | Finally, I go over it.
|
| 00:06:14 | I get it down.
|
| 00:06:14 | I'm like, "you know what?
|
| 00:06:15 | I'm gonna go to bed early,
get some rest, because I've got
a big day ahead of me tomorrow.
|
| 00:06:19 | I don't really want to mess
"
so I go to bed.
|
| 00:06:23 | I wake up, get dressed, put on
my pants and my shirt.
|
| 00:06:25 | I get on the school bus.
|
| 00:06:26 | All my friends see me.
|
| 00:06:27 | They get hyped.
|
| 00:06:28 | "Ohhh, kevin's on the bus.
|
| 00:06:30 | Everybody look.
|
| 00:06:31 | Kev on the bus.
|
| 00:06:32 | "
I was like, "yo, not today,
y'all.
|
| 00:06:35 | I've got a lot of stuff
on my mind.
|
| 00:06:37 | I can't really have y'all
"
and my friend was like,
"
I said, "i can't really get
into it.
|
| 00:06:43 | All I can tell y'all is that
"
"
I said, "look, man, it's
about to go down.
|
| 00:06:49 | Just be behind me when I walk in
"
"
I walk in class.
|
| 00:06:53 | Miss green, my teacher, she
starts speaking to everybody.
|
| 00:06:56 | "Hello.
|
| 00:06:57 | Good morning.
|
| 00:06:58 | Good morning.
|
| 00:06:58 | Hello.
|
| 00:06:59 | Hello.
|
| 00:07:00 | "
she see me, she was like,
"
"
she said, "did you let your
"
"
she said, "well, what did your
"
I took a deep breath.
|
| 00:07:12 | I looked at my friends.
|
| 00:07:13 | I was like, "it's about to go
"
I said, "well, uh,
my mom told me to tell you
TO MIND YOUR DAMN MOTHER[bleep]
Business, bitch.
|
| 00:07:27 | Little, stupid bitch.
|
| 00:07:29 | Little, dumb teaching bitch.
|
| 00:07:32 | Two-plus-two, not-knowing-what-
THE-[bleep]-IT-IS BITCH.
|
| 00:07:35 | Cross-eyed crying-down-your-back
fat-foot-ass bitch,
long-tittied,
"
THE [bleep] THAT WAS CRAZY,
My friends was in the
background.
|
| 00:07:47 | They was like, "ohhh.
|
| 00:07:50 | He said she ain't have no
"
I got suspended.
|
| 00:07:57 | I got suspended and an
ass-whuppin'.
|
| 00:08:00 | MY MOM BEAT THE [bleep] OUT OF
Me when I got home.
|
| 00:08:02 | "I told you to say two cuss
words.
|
| 00:08:04 | You said 76 of them."whoo!
|
| 00:09:15 | Whoo!
|
| 00:09:16 | This is why
we do this!
|
| 00:09:18 | Freedom!
|
| 00:09:19 | The open road!
|
| 00:09:20 | and progressive
has great coverage
and policies starting
at just $95 a year.
|
| 00:09:27 | I dig that!
|
| 00:09:27 | Most bikers do -- that's why
progressive is number one!
|
| 00:09:32 | Whoo!
|
| 00:09:32 | Whoo!
|
| 00:09:33 | Let's renew up.
|
| 00:09:34 | Yeah, that sounds good,
man.
|
| 00:09:36 | Do I have any bugs
in my teeth?
|
| 00:09:40 | No, you're good.
|
| 00:09:41 | Number one
in motorcycle insurance.
|
| 00:09:43 | Nothat'sprogressive.
|
| 00:11:02 | >> You can't be so hard on your
kids, man.
|
| 00:11:04 | One of my friends got a teenage
daughter.
|
| 00:11:06 | He too strict.
|
| 00:11:07 | I told him, I said,
"you got to relax.
|
| 00:11:09 | That girl gonna do what she want
to do when you're not around
anyway.
|
| 00:11:11 | "
he said, "kev, let me tell you
something.
|
| 00:11:14 | Do what you want to do with
your kids.
|
| 00:11:15 | Don't tell me how to raise
"
I said, "you're right.
|
| 00:11:17 | "
now, this isn't funny, but it
made me laugh, okay?
|
| 00:11:21 | He goes through his daughter's
phone.
|
| 00:11:23 | He found a picture of a little
boy's thing on the phone, right?
|
| 00:11:27 | Now, this is my friend, okay?
|
| 00:11:29 | He tells me everything.
|
| 00:11:30 | It's not funny that he found
a picture of a little boy's
thing on the phone.
|
| 00:11:33 | It was funny the way he told me,
because he confides in me.
|
| 00:11:36 | He tells me everything.
|
| 00:11:37 | He comes on the tour bus.
|
| 00:11:38 | HE MAD AS [bleep].
|
| 00:11:39 | He's like, "kev, you ain't gonna
believe this.
|
| 00:11:40 | I go through tiffany's phone,
and I found a picture of
a little boy's, uh, situation
"
"
"i found a picture of the
hot dog without the bun
"
"what are you"--
"a tallynackle.
|
| 00:11:55 | SHE HAD--IT'S A [bleep] ON
The phone.
|
| 00:11:57 | SHE GOT A [bleep] ON THE PHONE."
I didn't know what to say,
so I just kept repeating what
he said.
|
| 00:12:03 | I said, "so you tellin' me
IT'S A [bleep] ON THE PHONE."
HE SAID, "IT'S A [bleep] ON THE
"
I said, "so right now, if I look
on the phone, there's gonna be
A [bleep] IN IT."
I said, "well, what you gonna
"
he said, "what you think I'm
gonna do?
|
| 00:12:13 | "
I said, "why are you going to
"
he said, "why you think?
|
| 00:12:15 | I'm about to find out whose
[bleep] IT WAS.
|
| 00:12:17 | That's why I'm going to the
"
I said, "yo, I don't think
that's a good look.
|
| 00:12:21 | I don't--i don't think you
should do that.
|
| 00:12:23 | I don't think you should go to
the school with a picture of
A LITTLE BOY'S [bleep] IN THE
Phone and try to match it up
to other little boys.
|
| 00:12:29 | That--that's a little
pedophileish, don't you think?
|
| 00:12:31 | Like, you'll--you'll be in jail
"
he said, "well, what would you
"
by far, the most difficult
question I've ever been asked
in my life.
|
| 00:12:39 | "
and I thought about it.
|
| 00:12:41 | I was like, "i don't know.
|
| 00:12:42 | I don't know what I would do if
I found a picture of a little
boy's thing on my daughter's
phone.
|
| 00:12:45 | "
I'd probably punch her in the
throat.
|
| 00:12:48 | I really don't--i don't know,
because I've got a son too,
okay?
|
| 00:12:50 | And if I found out that my son
was pulling his thing out in
school, when his mother's
around, I'm gonna have an
attitude.
|
| 00:12:55 | I'm gonna have a lot of stuff
to say.
|
| 00:12:56 | "Really?
|
| 00:12:57 | Really, dude?
|
| 00:13:00 | That's what you do in school?
|
| 00:13:02 | So you don't need pants,
'CAUSE YOUR [bleep] IS OUT.
|
| 00:13:04 | "
as soon as his mom leave,
"hey, come here.
|
| 00:13:08 | What did she say when she
saw it?
|
| 00:13:11 | Give me some.
|
| 00:13:11 | Give me some.
|
| 00:13:12 | Yes.
|
| 00:13:13 | Hell, yeah.
|
| 00:13:14 | Sometimes you got to put it
on the table, son.
|
| 00:13:16 | Let 'em see it.
|
| 00:13:17 | We small, but we big at the
same time.
|
| 00:13:19 | "
I'm a different type of parent.
|
| 00:13:25 | I am a different type of parent.
|
| 00:13:28 | I'm not gonna lie.
|
| 00:13:29 | Certain things I do differently.
|
| 00:13:31 | I don't like babysitting.
|
| 00:13:32 | I can admit that.
|
| 00:13:33 | I don't like watching my kids
by myself.
|
| 00:13:35 | Too much pressure.
|
| 00:13:37 | No man does.
|
| 00:13:38 | No man in this room is a good
babysitter.
|
| 00:13:40 | I can tell you how every man in
this room watches kids.
|
| 00:13:43 | All we do, we sit on the couch
AND LISTEN FOR [bleep].
|
| 00:13:47 | That's how we watch our kids.
|
| 00:13:49 | Kids do whatever they want when
they're with dad.
|
| 00:13:50 | "
"i know y'all are not in that
toilet.
|
| 00:14:03 | Y'all better not be in that
"
we ain't gonna do nothing.
|
| 00:14:10 | I definitely don't watch--
I definitely don't like
watching other people's kids.
|
| 00:14:14 | It's too much pressure.
|
| 00:14:15 | There's nothing worse than
watching somebody else's baby,
and you give them their baby
back in a condition that they
didn't give you that baby in.
|
| 00:14:22 | Like, you ever have to explain
something to somebody before
they see their baby?
|
| 00:14:24 | "Hey, real quick, before you
look at your baby, let me ask
you something.
|
| 00:14:27 | Uh, your baby had two eyes
for sure, right?
|
| 00:14:30 | Okay, so what happened here,
um, long story short, gas went
off in the kitchen and blew the
back of your baby's face out.
|
| 00:14:37 | It was crazy.
|
| 00:14:38 | My baby knew what to do.
|
| 00:14:39 | He got in the oven.
|
| 00:14:39 | Your baby just stood there.
|
| 00:14:41 | Y'all don't run in your house?
|
| 00:14:42 | "
I had one little girl get hurt
over at my house, scariest
thing ever, man, one little
girl, right?
|
| 00:14:51 | My daughter got real big
bunk beds.
|
| 00:14:53 | I'm in the living room.
|
| 00:14:54 | I'm watching tv.
|
| 00:14:56 | Her and her friends, they're in
the room playing.
|
| 00:14:57 | Out of nowhere, I hear a loud
bang.
|
| 00:14:59 | Bap!
|
| 00:15:00 | The little girl start crying.
|
| 00:15:01 | "Ah.
|
| 00:15:02 | "
I come in the room, right?
|
| 00:15:07 | All the girls are standing
around her.
|
| 00:15:08 | They're all standing around her.
|
| 00:15:09 | One girl is on her knee
looking at her, face-to-face.
|
| 00:15:12 | This is what almost made me
laugh.
|
| 00:15:14 | When I came in the room,
the girl looked at me, and she
"
but I can't laugh, because I'm
in daddy mode, and I've got to
figure out what happened.
|
| 00:15:21 | So I go to my daughter.
|
| 00:15:21 | It's her room, and she's
responsible.
|
| 00:15:23 | I said, "heaven, come here.
|
| 00:15:24 | Come here.
|
| 00:15:25 | It's your room.
|
| 00:15:26 | You're responsible.
|
| 00:15:27 | "
it's very hard to take a kid
out of play mode.
|
| 00:15:31 | Like, when kids are playing,
THEY DON'T KNOW THAT [bleep]
Just got real.
|
| 00:15:35 | Like, they--they don't know,
so in her mind, it's still
a game.
|
| 00:15:39 | "
this is what my daughter did.
|
| 00:15:41 | She was like, "ho!
|
| 00:15:44 | Daddy!
|
| 00:15:45 | "
you ever see kids do that shake
[bleep]?
|
| 00:15:49 | [screeches]
"What is wrong with--stop.
|
| 00:15:52 | Stop shaking your face.
|
| 00:15:53 | Stop.
|
| 00:15:55 | "
this is the story my baby
told me.
|
| 00:15:57 | She said, "we got monsters,
daddy.
|
| 00:16:00 | There's a bunch of monsters
in here.
|
| 00:16:01 | The prince came out and told us
to get in the castle.
|
| 00:16:03 | The castle was at the top of
the bunk bed.
|
| 00:16:05 | When we got up there, there was
too many people in the castle,
..
|
| 00:16:10 | Somebody had to go.
|
| 00:16:14 | We took a vote, and she lost.
|
| 00:16:15 | "
"
madduxloves
everyone
how drivers can get discountsup to 40 percent.
|
| 00:16:38 | I --your neighbors can tell you, too.
|
| 00:16:39 | Chances are they're some ofstate farm's 40
million drivers.
|
| 00:16:43 | My --so talk to them.
|
| 00:16:44 | Then call a state farmagent like carrie.
|
| 00:16:47 | Call me.
|
| 00:18:04 | [ Joey ] WE NEED TO TALK TO YOU
About this "dedicated claims rep" thing.
|
| 00:18:08 | ..
|
| 00:18:09 | Calling yourselves "dedicated"?
|
| 00:18:11 | We're all dedicated, okay?
|
| 00:18:12 | The entire web site team worked late every
night this week.
|
| 00:18:15 | Look at sanjeev. he's a mess!
|
| 00:18:17 | ..
|
| 00:18:17 | Guys, we' called dedicated claims reps
because we each stay with an esuranccustomer
throughout the automobile claims process.
|
| 00:18:23 | It's not because we tnk we work harder than
you.
|
| 00:18:25 | Well, you don't.
|
| 00:18:28 | [ Sanjeev ] AM I A MESS?
|
| 00:18:29 | [ Joey ] YOU SLEPT IN THE VENDING MACHINE.
|
| 00:18:30 | [ Male Announcer ] CALL TODAYOR GO TO ESURANCE.COM.
|
| 00:19:44 | 5=Ñçmç
>> My biggest fear is getting
knocked out in front of my
babies.
|
| 00:20:24 | That's a fear, man.
|
| 00:20:26 | As a dad, what do you do?
|
| 00:20:27 | What do you do when your kids
come get you?
|
| 00:20:29 | "
"
"
as a dad, you've got to go whip
whoever "them" ass is.
|
| 00:20:36 | That's your job as a dad.
|
| 00:20:37 | What do you do when you go down
there and get your ass whipped?
|
| 00:20:40 | What do you say?
|
| 00:20:41 | What do you say to your kids?
|
| 00:20:43 | "
"
"
"stay right here.
|
| 00:20:46 | HEY, MOTHER[bleep]--
Come on. come on.
|
| 00:20:51 | Let's go.
|
| 00:20:52 | THESE [bleep] ARE REAL.
|
| 00:20:54 | Let's go.
|
| 00:20:56 | Hurry up.
|
| 00:20:56 | Get in the car.
|
| 00:20:59 | Was that a kid?
|
| 00:21:01 | Was that a kid?
|
| 00:21:03 | When we get home, I'm whippin'
your ass for putting me in that
situation.
|
| 00:21:06 | I had nothing to do with that.
|
| 00:21:08 | I woke up this morning as
a christian.
|
| 00:21:11 | "
[laughs]
It's a different ball game.
|
| 00:21:23 | See, me, I'm gonna be honest
with you guys, man.
|
| 00:21:25 | I'm not that guy.
|
| 00:21:26 | I'm not a fighter, man.
|
| 00:21:28 | I'm not.
|
| 00:21:29 | I won't act like I am.
|
| 00:21:31 | I won't.
|
| 00:21:32 | Seen too many bad things happen.
|
| 00:21:34 | I saw my dad get knocked out
one time.
|
| 00:21:36 | I was 13, traumatized me.
|
| 00:21:38 | This guy hit my dad twice
in the same spot,
mm-mm, quick as hell,
quickest two punches I've ever
seen in my life.
|
| 00:21:44 | I've never seen anything
like it.
|
| 00:21:45 | Bop-bop.
|
| 00:21:46 | Hit my dad so fast, in the
middle of the fight, my dad
stopped fighting and asked me
what happened, in the middle
of the fight.
|
| 00:21:50 | In the middle of the fight,
it was like, bop-bop.
|
| 00:21:52 | "[bleep].
|
| 00:21:53 | Hey, kevin.
|
| 00:21:54 | "
"
"
"it's only y'all two out here,
dad.
|
| 00:22:03 | Ain't nobody else out here
"
"so you're telling me
he that fast.
|
| 00:22:06 | They not jumping me?
|
| 00:22:06 | "
"no, no, ain't nobody
jumping you.
|
| 00:22:10 | "
"well, he must be a octopus,
because I saw a lot of stuff
"
"really?
|
| 00:22:17 | Really, dad, an octopus?
|
| 00:22:19 | That's what you just fought,
a human octopus?
|
| 00:22:22 | "
when my dad called another
grown-ass man an octopus,
that was the day that he stopped
being my dad.
|
| 00:22:28 | I lost all respect.
|
| 00:22:30 | He didn't understand that,
though.
|
| 00:22:31 | He was still trying to
discipline me around the house.
|
| 00:22:33 | "Kevin, hey, didn't I tell you
to get the trash out?
|
| 00:22:35 | Get up, get the trash out
"
"shut up.
|
| 00:22:40 | Shut up.
|
| 00:22:41 | You get the trash out before
I get steve to come over here
and put his damn hands on you
"
"oh, oh,
oh, you gonna get steve, huh?
|
| 00:22:51 | You are something else.
|
| 00:22:52 | You know that?
|
| 00:22:53 | You are something else.
|
| 00:22:54 | Give me the trash.
|
| 00:22:55 | I'll take the trash out.
|
| 00:22:57 | "
he didn't want to see steve
again.
|
| 00:23:00 | STEVE BEAT THE [bleep] OUT OF
My dad.
|
| 00:23:03 | See, here's why I don't fight,
man, because you don't know what
people are capable of now.
|
| 00:23:07 | Too many people know too many
different things.
|
| 00:23:09 | I'm serious.
|
| 00:23:10 | You know what I'm scared of?
|
| 00:23:11 | Ufc fighters.
|
| 00:23:12 | You know why?
|
| 00:23:13 | Because they're real.
|
| 00:23:15 | That is not a game, people.
|
| 00:23:17 | They are here.
|
| 00:23:18 | They exist.
|
| 00:23:19 | THEY KNOW [bleep].
|
| 00:23:21 | Touch a pressure point and shut
your whole body down.
|
| 00:23:23 | Bow.
|
| 00:23:25 | It's a wrap.
|
| 00:23:25 | "
"
"i can't.
|
| 00:23:28 | ..
|
| 00:23:30 | Everything is shut down.
|
| 00:23:31 | I don't know what he did,
everything.
|
| 00:23:32 | "
you know who are gonna be the
ones to get their asses whipped
by these guys?
|
| 00:23:38 | Thugs.
|
| 00:23:39 | I'm gonna tell you why.
|
| 00:23:40 | Because, thugs, y'all don't know
how to just fight, man.
|
| 00:23:43 | Thugs always got to give you
a speech before they fight.
|
| 00:23:45 | You ever see how long it take
a thug to fight?
|
| 00:23:47 | He got to give you his whole
background before he fight.
|
| 00:23:49 | Take too long.
|
| 00:23:50 | "YEAH, REAL [bleep], ALL DAY.
|
| 00:23:53 | Just me by myself on the block
holdin' it down, gun on my
waist, straight face, all day,
not a game, in jail, by myself,
one bed, no pillowcase,
one pillow.
|
| 00:24:06 | Didn't nobody write me.
|
| 00:24:07 | It was early, woke up, went back
to sleep, took a nap.
|
| 00:24:10 | You ever go night-night,
[bleep]?
|
| 00:24:12 | You ever go night-night,
[bleep]?
|
| 00:24:13 | Everybody go night-night,
[bleep]."
"What?
|
| 00:24:18 | What does this have to do
with the fight?
|
| 00:24:20 | "
"
"
these guys are gonna be
the ones, man.
|
| 00:24:30 | Everybody can't be a thug.
|
| 00:24:32 | Everybody cannot be a thug, man.
|
| 00:24:34 | I can stand tv thugs.
|
| 00:24:36 | You know what a tv thug is?
|
| 00:24:38 | Those are the guys that do what
they see on tv all day,
every day, all day, every day.
|
| 00:24:42 | You ever see those guys?
|
| 00:24:43 | "YEAH, [bleep].
|
| 00:24:43 | WHAT, [bleep]?"
..
|
| 00:24:45 | You ever seen them dancin'
thugs get out the car?
|
| 00:24:47 | "[bleep], WHAT, [bleep],
..
|
| 00:24:49 | [bleep], IT AIN'T A GAME.
|
| 00:24:50 | [bleep] GAME AROUND HERE?
|
| 00:24:51 | [bleep], AIN'T NO GAME."
I don't like those guys.
|
| 00:24:54 | I know real thugs.
|
| 00:24:56 | My uncle is a real thug,
certified.
|
| 00:25:01 | Put a stamp on him.
|
| 00:25:03 | Locked up 15 years, got out of
jail, ain't nothin' changed,
very serious.
|
| 00:25:07 | Like, listen, when my uncle
talk, this is how he look.
|
| 00:25:10 | I don't care what he talkin'
about, this is how he look.
|
| 00:25:16 | I mean, I don't care what
he's saying.
|
| 00:25:18 | "Put the goddamned jelly on
THE MOTHER[bleep] SANDWICH.
|
| 00:25:20 | Do it.
|
| 00:25:21 | "
he's crazy.
|
| 00:25:23 | He's crazy.
|
| 00:25:25 | He's institutionalized, man.
|
| 00:25:28 | You got to understand.
|
| 00:25:29 | When you been to jail for 15
years, all you know is jail,
your mannerisms, your language.
|
| 00:25:34 | You eat, sleep, and think
jail, okay?
|
| 00:25:39 | Your threats aren't even
the same.
|
| 00:25:40 | Like, whenever you threaten
somebody, they should know
what's about to happen.
|
| 00:25:44 | It's a transition into a fight.
|
| 00:25:46 | "I'm sick of your ass.
|
| 00:25:46 | "
when they get up, they know
it's gonna be a fight.
|
| 00:25:49 | Stuff my uncle says leaves you
in suspense.
|
| 00:25:53 | They're, like, the worst jail
metaphors I've ever heard in
my life.
|
| 00:25:56 | I don't even know how to explain
them, okay?
|
| 00:25:57 | He gets out of jail.
|
| 00:25:58 | My brother called me.
|
| 00:25:59 | He said, "kev, uncle reggie jr.
|
| 00:26:00 | "
I said, "what?
|
| 00:26:02 | I'm on the first flight.
|
| 00:26:02 | I'll be there in the morning.
|
| 00:26:03 | I ain't seen him in 15 years.
|
| 00:26:04 | "
I get there.
|
| 00:26:06 | My uncle in the middle of the
living room floor.
|
| 00:26:07 | I'm hyped to see him.
|
| 00:26:08 | ,
what up, baby?
|
| 00:26:10 | 15 Years, that's a long time,
man.
|
| 00:26:12 | "
I swear to god, this is what
he said to me.
|
| 00:26:14 | "Say it with your chest,
LITTLE-ASS [bleep]."
I didn't know what to say.
|
| 00:26:28 | My brother came out of nowhere
and grabbed me.
|
| 00:26:30 | He was like, "chill, he been
saying this all day.
|
| 00:26:31 | We don't know what it means.
|
| 00:26:32 | Just wait a minute till we
"
now, here's--here's the thing,
right?
|
| 00:26:36 | I said, "no, I'm not gonna
chill.
|
| 00:26:38 | I'm gonna talk to him.
|
| 00:26:39 | "
I pulled him to the side and
said, "look, unc, a lot of stuff
has changed since you've been
gone, man.
|
| 00:26:43 | I'm doing well.
|
| 00:26:44 | I'm making good money now.
|
| 00:26:46 | Let me take you out, put you
around some women, get some
drinks.
|
| 00:26:48 | "
"
I take him to a lounge, right?
|
| 00:26:51 | I'm at the bar.
|
| 00:26:52 | I'm drinking.
|
| 00:26:53 | There's women around me.
|
| 00:26:54 | I'm having a good time.
|
| 00:26:55 | I can't see him, but I can hear
him.
|
| 00:26:59 | I can't see him, but I can hear
him.
|
| 00:27:01 | Out of nowhere, all I hear is,
"I'M SICK OF THIS MOTHER[bleep],
Man.
|
| 00:27:05 | "
"is it his birthday?
|
| 00:27:11 | Why--why would I do that?
|
| 00:27:12 | Why--why would I do that?
|
| 00:27:14 | "
"PIN THIS MOTHER[bleep]'S
"
"is that a drink?
|
| 00:27:21 | That's probably a drink.
|
| 00:27:22 | Can i--can I get a peel his
"
"
"can I get a peel his muffin
.."
I didn't know what to do.
|
| 00:27:31 | I was confused.
|
| 00:29:41 | Summertime is frosty time!
|
| 00:29:42 | For just 99¢¢ treat yourself to a real original.
|
| 00:29:44 | Wendy's frosty is made with fresh cream
and 100% real cocoa.
|
| 00:29:48 | It's the original.
|
| 00:29:49 | Creamy. cool. classic.
|
| 00:29:51 | Now only 99¢¢ andonly at wendy's.
|
| 00:29:53 | ♪♪ You know when it's real ♪♪
|
| 00:30:07 | >> certain things that
I'm not good at.
|
| 00:30:09 | I'm not a good storm-outer,
people.
|
| 00:30:10 | I can admit that.
|
| 00:30:12 | For those who do not know what
"storming out" is, that's when
you leave the house angry.
|
| 00:30:15 | "I'm sick of this.
|
| 00:30:16 | "
you slam the door.
|
| 00:30:17 | Boom.
|
| 00:30:18 | Purpose of storming out is
to leave the illusion in your
lady's head that you're never
coming back.
|
| 00:30:23 | When you slam the door,
she's supposed to break down.
|
| 00:30:25 | As soon as you slam the door,
"
boom.
|
| 00:30:27 | She breaks down.
|
| 00:30:28 | This is my impression of a woman
breaking down.
|
| 00:30:30 | "No, oh, my god.
|
| 00:30:31 | No, please, don't.
|
| 00:30:32 | No, no.
|
| 00:30:34 | No, don't do this to me.
|
| 00:30:35 | No, every time time I do this,
you do this.
|
| 00:30:38 | .."
I hate when women cry
and try to talk.
|
| 00:30:44 | I CAN'T STAND THAT [bleep].
|
| 00:30:46 | "I didn't want to do that.
|
| 00:30:47 | "
y'all look like the first slave
to ever walk.
|
| 00:30:56 | .."
[mumbling]
It's too much.
|
| 00:31:03 | I'ma tell you why I'm not
a good storm-outer.
|
| 00:31:04 | You know why?
|
| 00:31:05 | Because I forget stuff.
|
| 00:31:07 | You can't storm out and forget
[bleep], BECAUSE THEN YOU GOT
TO GO BACK AND GET THE [bleep]
You forgot.
|
| 00:31:11 | You look stupid.
|
| 00:31:12 | Trust me, fellas.
|
| 00:31:13 | I know this from experience.
|
| 00:31:14 | You leave angry.
|
| 00:31:16 | "I'm sick of this, man.
|
| 00:31:16 | I'm done.
|
| 00:31:17 | I don't care.
|
| 00:31:18 | I'm done.
|
| 00:31:19 | Forget you.
|
| 00:31:19 | Forget the house.
|
| 00:31:20 | "
boom.
|
| 00:31:22 | "I DON'T GIVE [bleep], MAN.
|
| 00:31:22 | My keys.
|
| 00:31:23 | God damn it, my keys
"
[thumping]
"Babe, let me get the keys
on the top of the thing.
|
| 00:31:30 | I left my keys up on the top
of the thing.
|
| 00:31:32 | "
I need my keys.
|
| 00:31:35 | The reason why I need my keys
is because I've got to get
in my car.
|
| 00:31:37 | When I get in my car, I cut the
car on, step on the gas,
and make the tires burn out.
|
| 00:31:41 | [makes squealing noise]
The reason why I do that:
Women, you can't handle it.
|
| 00:31:44 | You break down after a while.
|
| 00:31:46 | "Oh, my god, no.
|
| 00:31:47 | He's gonna kill himself.
|
| 00:31:48 | No, no, don't do it.
|
| 00:31:50 | Do the speed limit, please.
|
| 00:31:51 | "
that's my impression of women.
|
| 00:31:59 | Had to get out of there.
|
| 00:32:00 | Tell you another reason why
I can't storm out of the house
correctly.
|
| 00:32:04 | My son always want to come.
|
| 00:32:07 | Can't storm out with a kid.
|
| 00:32:08 | It take too long.
|
| 00:32:09 | A storm-out's got to be fast.
|
| 00:32:10 | In and out, boom, boom, quick.
|
| 00:32:12 | My son be at the door.
|
| 00:32:14 | "
"no. no.
|
| 00:32:15 | "
"
"boy, god damn it.
|
| 00:32:19 | "
this is when women try to use
kids as ammunition.
|
| 00:32:24 | "Look at you,
YOU PIECE OF [bleep].
|
| 00:32:26 | You can't even take your son
with you.
|
| 00:32:28 | He want to go with his dad,
but you can't even take your son
"
now, I can't be a piece of
[bleep].
|
| 00:32:33 | I've got to prove a point.
|
| 00:32:34 | I got to take him.
|
| 00:32:34 | But I'm gonna tell you
something, fellas, you look
stupid when you try to keep your
attitude and get a baby's
[bleep] TOGETHER.
|
| 00:32:39 | You look dumb.
|
| 00:32:41 | This is from experience.
|
| 00:32:42 | You look stupid.
|
| 00:32:43 | "You know, I don't give
A [bleep].
|
| 00:32:44 | I'll take him.
|
| 00:32:45 | Get the diaper bag.
|
| 00:32:45 | PUT THE SIPPY CUP AND [bleep]
In the bag.
|
| 00:32:47 | Put the change of clothes
AND [bleep] IN THE BAG."
This is when I knew I looked
stupid.
|
| 00:32:50 | When I did this with the
..
|
| 00:32:51 | "Let me tell you something,
bitch, if you think I give
A [bleep] ABOUT YOU, LET ME TELL
You something, you got another
"
when I swung the diaper bag over
..
|
| 00:33:00 | "Let me tell you something,
bitch, and you got another
goddamned thing coming if you
THINK I GIVE A [bleep]."
It wasn't good, man.
|
| 00:33:09 | This is me speaking the truth.
|
| 00:33:11 | See, I can talk about
relationships.
|
| 00:33:14 | I've been in one for years.
|
| 00:33:15 | I know relationships.
|
| 00:33:17 | I see a lot of couples here
together, man.
|
| 00:33:19 | You guys don't understand what
you're in.
|
| 00:33:21 | You don't know how serious
it is.
|
| 00:33:22 | I don't mind seeing couples.
|
| 00:33:24 | I don't like seeing new couples.
|
| 00:33:26 | I can't stand new love.
|
| 00:33:27 | I hate it.
|
| 00:33:28 | That's me being honest with you.
|
| 00:33:29 | It's too much.
|
| 00:33:30 | I don't like over-love.
|
| 00:33:32 | You ever see those couples that
go too far, that's too much?
|
| 00:33:35 | You ever see, like, a couple
that's in love, like,
newly in love, trying to share?
|
| 00:33:39 | You ever witness that?
|
| 00:33:40 | "Hey, babe.
|
| 00:33:42 | Hey, babe.
|
| 00:33:44 | Hey, love butt.
|
| 00:33:46 | Hey, I've got a little bit of
juice left.
|
| 00:33:49 | You want some juice?
|
| 00:33:51 | Yeah, you want to take a sip?
|
| 00:33:52 | I'll take sip.
|
| 00:33:53 | You take a sip.
|
| 00:33:53 | You want to do it like that?
|
| 00:33:55 | You want to go sip-sip-sip,
like that, back and forth?
|
| 00:33:57 | Yeah?
|
| 00:33:57 | Go ahead, take a sip.
|
| 00:33:58 | All right.
|
| 00:33:59 | Okay, give it to me.
|
| 00:34:00 | All right, no, sort of, nah.
|
| 00:34:02 | You do it.
|
| 00:34:02 | Ah, ah, go ahead.
|
| 00:34:03 | Ah, ahhh, no.
|
| 00:34:05 | Same time, do it.
|
| 00:34:06 | Your nose is in the way.
|
| 00:34:07 | No, your nose is in the way.
|
| 00:34:08 | Nah-eh-ah, I love you.
|
| 00:34:10 | Nah, stop that.
|
| 00:34:11 | "
too much.
|
| 00:34:12 | I [bleep] HATE IT.
|
| 00:34:14 | I like older couples.
|
| 00:34:16 | I like couples that's got time
in, man.
|
| 00:34:18 | You know why?
|
| 00:34:19 | Because I like to see those
couples argue.
|
| 00:34:21 | Couples with time in, small
problems become big problems.
|
| 00:34:25 | If you've got time in,
right now, juice can become
a problem.
|
| 00:34:30 | Let you go buy some juice,
and she with you while you buy
the juice.
|
| 00:34:33 | You go outside and open up
the juice.
|
| 00:34:35 | She asks for a sip of your
juice.
|
| 00:34:37 | Bet money you lose your mind
over that sip of juice.
|
| 00:34:39 | Bet money you snap.
|
| 00:34:40 | As soon as you get outside,
"
"uh, bitch, didn't you just see
me buy the juice when I was
inside?
|
| 00:34:46 | So you wanted some juice?
|
| 00:34:47 | Why didn't you ask for some
juice?
|
| 00:34:48 | Now you want to take a sip of
MY JUICE, [bleep] AROUND AND
Take a double sip.
|
| 00:34:51 | I'm left with a little-ass sip,
because your over-thirsty ass
want to take a double sip.
|
| 00:34:54 | No, get your own juice.
|
| 00:34:55 | Walk your fat ass inside,
you sippy-juice bastard.
|
| 00:34:58 | You wasn't even thinking about
"
that will be on your mind
all day.
|
| 00:35:03 | Seven hours later, you bring it
back up.
|
| 00:35:05 | "A sip of my goddamned juice.
|
| 00:35:08 | You are something else.
|
| 00:35:09 | You know that?
|
| 00:35:09 | You are something else.
|
| 00:35:11 | You wasn't even thinking about
"
I got into an argument over
mashed potatoes one time.
|
| 00:35:18 | We almost broke up.
|
| 00:35:20 | I'm very serious.
|
| 00:35:21 | You know what I don't play?
|
| 00:35:22 | I don't play that
picking-off-my-plate stuff,
ladies.
|
| 00:35:25 | Don't pick off my plate.
|
| 00:35:26 | I'm very serious.
|
| 00:35:27 | I don't like it.
|
| 00:35:28 | In the beginning, men,
we have to do it.
|
| 00:35:31 | The reason why we have to do it
is because we're still trying
to impress you, so we go
overboard.
|
| 00:35:35 | "Hey, do you want a little
piece?
|
| 00:35:37 | Yeah?
|
| 00:35:37 | You want me to cut it?
|
| 00:35:38 | Yeah.
|
| 00:35:39 | No, I'll cut it.
|
| 00:35:40 | I'll give you all this.
|
| 00:35:40 | I'll just leave this little
piece for myself.
|
| 00:35:42 | Yeah.
|
| 00:35:43 | No, no, no, I probably should
eat the whole thing, because I'm
a diabetic, but no.
|
| 00:35:46 | I just want you to be happy.
|
| 00:35:48 | Yeah, you shoulfinitely
drive home, because I can't see.
|
| 00:35:50 | It's a little blurry.
|
| 00:35:51 | "
we go overboard.
|
| 00:35:54 | I'm gonna tell you why I got
mad, right?
|
| 00:35:56 | We're at a restaurant getting
ready to eat dinner.
|
| 00:35:58 | Her food comes out before mine.
|
| 00:35:59 | She's like, "baby, you want me
"
I said, "no, eat your food.
|
| 00:36:02 | Mine's gonna be out.
|
| 00:36:02 | "
she's eating.
|
| 00:36:04 | I don't ask for any of her food.
|
| 00:36:05 | "
my food comes out.
|
| 00:36:08 | "
"
..
|
| 00:36:11 | Fop!
|
| 00:36:11 | Put it on my lap.
|
| 00:36:12 | The reason why I go "fop,"
it's big--it's big to me,
because I'm small.
|
| 00:36:15 | It takes up a lot of space.
|
| 00:36:17 | So I bow my head to say
my grace.
|
| 00:36:19 | As I'm saying my grace, I hear
a metal fork on my plate.
|
| 00:36:24 | "Uh, bitch, you can't wait till
"
you know, how mad
THAT [bleep] MADE ME?
|
| 00:36:29 | Take the goddamned food, bitch!
|
| 00:37:56 | Signal.
|
| 00:37:58 | Beautiful.
|
| 00:37:59 | And strong.
|
| 00:38:00 | There to ensure the mostpowerful transmitter
is you.
|
| 00:38:08 | Rule the air.
|
| 00:39:56 | >> My grandpop gives me the best
advice ever.
|
| 00:39:57 | I love my grandpop to death.
|
| 00:39:58 | I wish everybody could meet
my grandpop.
|
| 00:40:00 | If you're lucky enough to have
your grandparents in your life
and you want to laugh,
listen to me.
|
| 00:40:05 | Shouts out to all y'all with
grandparents.
|
| 00:40:08 | If you've got a grandparent in
your life, dude, and you want to
laugh, ask your grandpop--
just to see what he say--
say, "grandpop, when the last
"
just to see--just to see what
he says.
|
| 00:40:17 | I promise you, it will be the
FUNNIEST [bleep] YOU EVER HEARD
In your life.
|
| 00:40:22 | My grandpop never answered me.
|
| 00:40:23 | He just said a bunch of stuff,
like--this is not a joke.
|
| 00:40:26 | This is what he said.
|
| 00:40:26 | I said, "grandpa, when was the
"
this is exactly what he said.
|
| 00:40:29 | He said, "hey, hey, look at me,
okay?
|
| 00:40:31 | Hey, hey, hey, what'd I do?
|
| 00:40:34 | You know what I did, all right?
|
| 00:40:36 | Okay?
|
| 00:40:37 | Hey, let me tell you something.
|
| 00:40:38 | I put that key in that door
AND LOCKED THAT MOTHER[bleep],
Didn't i?
|
| 00:40:41 | Hey, okay?
|
| 00:40:42 | Hey, gave it that goddamned
wah-wah.
|
| 00:40:43 | Yes, I did.
|
| 00:40:44 | Yes, I did.
|
| 00:40:45 | Look at my eyes.
|
| 00:40:46 | Roll 'em.
|
| 00:40:47 | "
what?
|
| 00:40:50 | Listen, let me tell you,
this is what he does every day,
all my grandpop do every day.
|
| 00:40:54 | He stand in the screen door
AND JUST COMPLAIN AND [bleep].
|
| 00:40:58 | He just fuss all day.
|
| 00:40:59 | "Look, look, look, look, look,
look, look, look, look,
look, look, look, look,
look at this.
|
| 00:41:04 | Somebody come look at this.
|
| 00:41:05 | Look at this.
|
| 00:41:06 | Somebody come and look at this.
|
| 00:41:08 | Look at this, a goddamned cat
drinking milk out the bowl.
|
| 00:41:14 | "
this is what makes me laugh.
|
| 00:41:17 | After he yell at something,
he stare at if for a long time.
|
| 00:41:20 | "
he was asleep.
|
| 00:41:45 | He fell asleep.
|
| 00:41:48 | I wish I was him.
|
| 00:41:51 | Kids be teasing him.
|
| 00:41:52 | Kids are mean, man.
|
| 00:41:54 | Why are kids so mean?
|
| 00:41:57 | 'Cause they know he can't get
out the screen door,
so they tease him.
|
| 00:42:01 | ..
|
| 00:42:02 | [grunting]
AND [bleep].
|
| 00:42:05 | Y'all, he gets so mad.
|
| 00:42:06 | [grunting]
You ever seen--have you
ever seen an old person get real
pissed off to where they start
making them noises?
|
| 00:42:14 | [grunting]
What?
|
| 00:42:17 | What did he say?
|
| 00:42:19 | He's just angry.
|
| 00:42:20 | He's an angry old man.
|
| 00:42:25 | I saw my grandpop fall one time.
|
| 00:42:28 | FUNNIEST [bleep] I'VE EVER SEEN
In my life.
|
| 00:42:31 | It took my grandpop 47 seconds
to fall.
|
| 00:42:34 | It took too long.
|
| 00:42:35 | It took way too long.
|
| 00:42:38 | [bleep].
|
| 00:42:39 | It's funny, but it's not funny.
|
| 00:42:40 | I'm gonna show you exactly what
I saw.
|
| 00:42:41 | This--this is how my grandpop
fell.
|
| 00:42:43 | This is exactly--this is what
I saw.
|
| 00:42:46 | "Ahhhh.
|
| 00:42:49 | Ahhhh.
|
| 00:42:51 | Ahhhhh.
|
| 00:42:54 | "
I got tired of watching,
and I just kicked it.
|
| 00:43:02 | "Stop, let go.
|
| 00:43:02 | Stop it.
|
| 00:43:03 | Stop it.
|
| 00:43:04 | It could have been over.
|
| 00:43:05 | You not even got the far.
|
| 00:43:06 | Stop.
|
| 00:43:08 | "
watching people fall is funny.
|
| 00:43:19 | When the last time you really
fell?
|
| 00:43:21 | "
like, one of those?
|
| 00:43:23 | "Oh, no!
|
| 00:43:24 | "
hey, shaq, when you fall during
the games, it's the funniest
[bleep] I'VE EVER SEEN IN
My life.
|
| 00:43:32 | Hey, you ever seen his legs
after he fall?
|
| 00:43:36 | Next time, look.
|
| 00:43:36 | I'm telling y'all, next time
y'all watch a game and he fall,
this is exactly what he do.
|
| 00:43:39 | Look.
|
| 00:43:40 | It's always something stupid.
|
| 00:43:41 | Like, he go up to get a rebound,
and he don't get it.
|
| 00:43:42 | "
[laughing]
Hey, lebron.
|
| 00:44:00 | This is lebron.
|
| 00:44:01 | Look at him.
|
| 00:44:02 | "Come on.
|
| 00:44:03 | God damn it, shaq.
|
| 00:44:03 | ..
|
| 00:44:04 | [bleep], MAN, GET UP."
"Oh, I'm getting old, y'all.
|
| 00:44:07 | "
look, okay, one more, one more.
|
| 00:44:18 | Shaq, this is how you fall
frontwards.
|
| 00:44:20 | "
HOLY [bleep].
|
| 00:44:38 | HOLY [bleep].
|
| 00:47:12 | >> My road manager and I are
very close.
|
| 00:47:14 | He's older.
|
| 00:47:15 | He's old.
|
| 00:47:17 | We fight a lot, though,
you know.
|
| 00:47:19 | It's kind of like
a relationship; been around me
for years.
|
| 00:47:21 | He was with me before money even
came into the picture.
|
| 00:47:23 | He was the one scrambling up for
me, but when you're around
somebody for so long, naturally,
you start to butt heads.
|
| 00:47:28 | THE LITTLE [bleep] ANNOY YOU.
|
| 00:47:29 | I don't like the way he sneezes.
|
| 00:47:30 | I don't like it.
|
| 00:47:33 | Like, I swear to god,
when he sneeze, it's, like--
it's a close call.
|
| 00:47:36 | Like, you think he's about
to die.
|
| 00:47:38 | Here's how he sneeze.
|
| 00:47:39 | I'M NOT BULL[bleep].
|
| 00:47:40 | IT'S THE SCARIEST [bleep]
I've ever heard in my life.
|
| 00:47:42 | "
I've never seen nobody catch
their breath from a sneeze.
|
| 00:47:54 | He's old, though, man.
|
| 00:47:56 | HE DOES SO MUCH [bleep] TO PISS
Me off.
|
| 00:47:58 | Like, I'm--one thing, man,
I don't like it when people
are slow.
|
| 00:48:01 | He's very slow.
|
| 00:48:02 | When you get in a car, how long
does it take you to pull off,
man, when you get in the car?
|
| 00:48:05 | A couple of seconds, right?
|
| 00:48:07 | Okay.
|
| 00:48:08 | It took him 25 minutes to pull
off the other day.
|
| 00:48:11 | I'm dead serious.
|
| 00:48:11 | I can't--i can't show you.
|
| 00:48:13 | I can't tell you.
|
| 00:48:14 | I've got to show you, but don't
make me laugh, okay?
|
| 00:48:17 | I'm gonna show you exactly what
he did.
|
| 00:48:19 | Okay, I'm in the car.
|
| 00:48:21 | I'm in the passenger seat.
|
| 00:48:22 | I got my seat belt on.
|
| 00:48:23 | I'm ready for him.
|
| 00:48:24 | All he got to do is get in
the car, pull off.
|
| 00:48:25 | I'm gonna show you exactly
what he did.
|
| 00:48:26 | Don't make me laugh, though.
|
| 00:48:27 | Okay.
|
| 00:48:31 | "All right, let's go.
|
| 00:48:34 | "
[laughter]
[laughter]
[laughter]
[laughter]
[laughter]
[laughter]
[laughter and applause]
"
"oh, oh, oh, no.
|
| 00:49:51 | Okay, oh, hey, hey,
hey, kevin.
|
| 00:49:55 | Hey, kevin.
|
| 00:49:56 | Hey, kevin.
|
| 00:49:58 | Hey, hey, hey, kevin.
|
| 00:50:01 | "
now, I don't want to laugh,
'cause I want to see what he's
gonna say about taking so long,
right?
|
| 00:50:18 | I'm gonna tell you, this is
exactly what he did.
|
| 00:50:19 | I'M NOT BULL[bleep].
|
| 00:50:20 | "Oh, god.
|
| 00:50:20 | All right, all right, let's go.
|
| 00:50:22 | All right.
|
| 00:50:24 | Got it.
|
| 00:50:25 | All right, got it.
|
| 00:50:27 | Got it.
|
| 00:50:30 | Got it.
|
| 00:50:31 | You ready?
|
| 00:50:32 | You ready to get on out of
"
"WHAT THE [bleep]?
|
| 00:50:34 | Yes.
|
| 00:50:35 | Like, I'm waiting on you.
|
| 00:50:36 | "
THIS IS THE [bleep] THAT PISSED
Me off.
|
| 00:50:38 | He's like, "all right, let's go.
|
| 00:50:39 | "
WHAT THE [bleep] IS THIS?
|
| 00:50:46 | Why are you shooting at me?
|
| 00:50:47 | THAT [bleep] MADE ME SO MAD.
|
| 00:50:48 | "WHAT THE [bleep]?
|
| 00:50:49 | Don't do that.
|
| 00:50:50 | Don't put your hands in my
face, 'cause you're being
AN ASS[bleep].
|
| 00:50:52 | Just drive, man.
|
| 00:50:53 | DON'T SAY [bleep] TO ME.
|
| 00:50:54 | "
now, that's the only time I've
ever cussed at nate, but he
never got mad to the point where
he cussed back.
|
| 00:50:59 | This is the first time he ever
cussed back at me, but I could
tell how old he was by the way
he cussed at me.
|
| 00:51:03 | This is exactly what he said.
|
| 00:51:04 | He said, "let me tell you
something, sucker, okay?
|
| 00:51:06 | Hey, listen, jack.
|
| 00:51:08 | You ain't nothin' but a piece of
cheese without the corners.
|
| 00:51:10 | In other words, you ain't never
"
>> I GIVE NATE A LOT OF [bleep].
|
| 00:54:50 | I tease nate a lot, okay?
|
| 00:54:51 | But at the end of the day,
he's got my back.
|
| 00:54:54 | I know he does.
|
| 00:54:55 | Nate would take a bullet for me
if he had to.
|
| 00:54:56 | How do I know this?
|
| 00:54:57 | 'Cause it's been confirmed,
all right?
|
| 00:54:59 | Nate--we was in dallas, texas,
all right, me, nate, my boy
harry, wayne, spank.
|
| 00:55:05 | My lady was with me.
|
| 00:55:06 | We having a good time.
|
| 00:55:07 | We do a show.
|
| 00:55:08 | We at the after party.
|
| 00:55:09 | We gettin' it in.
|
| 00:55:10 | Mm-mm, gettin' money.
|
| 00:55:12 | Mm-mm, gettin' money.
|
