| 00:00:01 | Call it "Beauty and the Beast."
Which one am I?
|
| 00:00:04 | Because if it's okay with you, I'd like to
be the beast.
|
| 00:00:08 | (growling)
Did I scare you?
|
| 00:00:13 | Okay, guess who I ran into at the gym?
|
| 00:00:17 | Buck Strickland.
|
| 00:00:19 | He watched me do Tae Bo
and he thinks that I'd make a great boxer.
|
| 00:00:22 | Look, Luanne, I fought at the "Y."
Trust me, you are no boxer.
|
| 00:00:26 | Y'uh-huh.
|
| 00:00:27 | Friday at midnight in the back room at Sugarfoot's.
|
| 00:00:31 | And I am going
to stand up and fight
and be respected just like you said.
|
| 00:00:36 | Luanne, the kind of women that box
don't have 50 stuffed animals on their bed.
|
| 00:00:41 | ou spend Friday night
watching one of those movies you like
where the people fall in love, and then one
of them dies?
|
| 00:00:51 | Oh, Luanne, you have to understand
your uncle only wants the best for you.
|
| 00:00:55 | That said, everything he just told you:
complete jackassery.
|
| 00:01:05 | Dear Lord, one of your creatures may be hurt
tonight.
|
| 00:01:09 | Please let it be the other creature.
|
| 00:01:12 | Amen.
|
| 00:01:19 | Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, Luanne, looking good.
|
| 00:01:23 | Yeah, now, just remember,
the key to boxing is to jump up and down.
|
| 00:01:28 | Yeah, keep bouncing.
|
| 00:01:29 | Bounce and weave.
|
| 00:01:31 | Okay, folks
you paid your moneys.
|
| 00:01:36 | Here come the honeys.
|
| 00:01:37 | The Beauty and the Beast.
|
| 00:01:55 | Whoa-whoa-whoa.
|
| 00:01:56 | Watch the kicks, or I'll disqualify you
and you'll lose your free rib dinner.
|
| 00:02:04 | Tell Joseph and Dale if he's listening good
night
and get to bed.
|
| 00:02:08 | I got a live feed with the hostess at Sugarfoot's.
|
| 00:02:11 | She's got Luanne's fight on the speakerphone.
|
| 00:02:14 | Oh, God, she went through with it?
|
| 00:02:27 | Luanne, no!
|
| 00:02:35 | One, two, three, four...
|
| 00:02:38 | She's out.
|
| 00:02:39 | Whoa.
|
| 00:02:41 | I did it!
|
| 00:02:42 | I won, I won, I won!
|
| 00:02:43 | You tagged her good.
|
| 00:02:45 | What a left hook.
|
| 00:02:46 | Oh, yeah.
|
| 00:02:48 | You didn't think I could do it
but I did it.
|
| 00:02:49 | Great job, Luanne.
|
| 00:02:50 | You want to fight some more for us?
|
| 00:02:52 | I got a contract right here.
|
| 00:02:54 | It's very fair.
|
| 00:02:55 | (sighing)
Oh, my gosh.
|
| 00:02:58 | Did you hear that, Uncle Hank?
|
| 00:03:00 | They want me to be a professional fighter.
|
| 00:03:03 | Ooh! I'm a professional fighter!
|
| 00:03:05 | (squealing)
(laughing)
honks ]
♪♪ ♪♪
|
| 00:03:45 | ♪♪ ♪♪
|
| 00:03:50 | ♪♪ ♪♪
|
| 00:04:06 | sweet n' sourfilled twizzlers.
|
| 00:04:08 | The twist you can't resist.
|
| 00:05:42 | Mmm, women boxing, huh?
|
| 00:05:43 | If they wear gloves
how do they scratch each other?
|
| 00:05:46 | No, Bill, they punch pretty hard.
|
| 00:05:49 | And Luanne was really something.
|
| 00:05:50 | I tell you what.
|
| 00:05:51 | Dale fights more like a girl than she did
last night.
|
| 00:05:55 | So I bit a cashier.
|
| 00:05:56 | I'm a street fighter.
|
| 00:05:57 | (sighing)
Luanne, I always hoped
to give my old boxing gloves from the "Y"
to Bobby
but, uh, well
you know.
|
| 00:06:05 | Anyway, I'd be honored
if you'd wear these in your next match.
|
| 00:06:10 | Oh
Uncle Hank.
|
| 00:06:12 | Every time I punch someone in the face
I'll think of you.
|
| 00:06:20 | To Luanne!
|
| 00:06:22 | Getting rich off a pretty lady's
even better than sleeping with one.
|
| 00:06:26 | Well, neck and neck.
|
| 00:06:28 | Well, lookee here.
|
| 00:06:30 | Now, I know it must have killed you
to throw that fight, Biggun
but it was one hell of a convincing dive.
|
| 00:06:36 | If you had any looks
you could be a Hollywood actress.
|
| 00:06:39 | (deep voice): Thank you.
|
| 00:06:40 | Here's your flop fee.
|
| 00:06:42 | Don't touch anything on the way out, huh?
|
| 00:06:44 | Times have changed.
|
| 00:06:45 | Trained boxers willing to take a dive
are too gotdang expensive.
|
| 00:06:49 | Hey, Bora, you'd take a punch for $100, wouldn't
you?
|
| 00:06:54 | No, sir.
|
| 00:06:55 | Two hundred?
|
| 00:06:57 | Yes, sir, I would.
|
| 00:07:00 | Okay, Luanne
Buck says this Bora the Slammin' Slavic
is nine and four
and she used to pull a dogsled back in her
native Croatia.
|
| 00:07:10 | When my fans are out there respecting me
I feel like a strong, powerful, ooh, independent
woman.
|
| 00:07:18 | Luanne
I brought you some tassels.
|
| 00:07:21 | Tassels?
|
| 00:07:22 | Yeah, it's a fight game, boy scout.
|
| 00:07:23 | We need a little show for the people.
|
| 00:07:26 | Oh, I get it.
|
| 00:07:27 | A little flash.
|
| 00:07:28 | Like Hector "Macho" Camacho.
|
| 00:07:36 | Light on your feet, Luanne.
|
| 00:07:38 | She's one of them Russian brawlers.
|
| 00:07:41 | (cheering)
STRICKLAND: Yeah, yeah, good, Luanne, good.
|
| 00:07:48 | Now, hop like a bunny, hop like a bunny!
|
| 00:07:52 | Oh, uh, well, you know, like, uh, Muhammed
Ali says,
"Hop like a bunny, sting like a bee."
Uh, that was "Float like a butterfly," sir.
|
| 00:08:02 | Okay, now, Luanne--
southpaw, southpaw!
|
| 00:08:06 | (groaning)
♪♪ 'Cause I'm just a girl ♪♪
|
| 00:08:15 | ♪♪ Little old me ♪♪
|
| 00:08:16 | ♪♪ Well, don't let me out of your sight ♪♪
|
| 00:08:21 | ♪♪ Oh, I'm just a girl ♪♪
|
| 00:08:23 | ♪♪ All pretty and petite ♪♪
|
| 00:08:25 | ♪♪ So, don't let me have any rights ♪♪
|
| 00:08:30 | ♪♪ Oh, I've had it up to here... ♪♪
|
| 00:08:38 | Now, Luanne
you beat some tough fighters
and I think you're ready for a step up in
competition.
|
| 00:08:43 | Yeah! You know, I was reading
in theGuinness Book of World Records
about a woman who is 7'7".
|
| 00:08:50 | You think she'll fight me?
|
| 00:08:52 | Uh, maybe, but I was thinking
about the best female fighter in Texas--
George Foreman's daughter, Freeda Foreman.
|
| 00:08:59 | Seems she's managed by her father
and four brothers named George.
|
| 00:09:03 | Uh, uh, I already called the Foreman camp.
|
| 00:09:06 | They told me they want nothing to do with
Luanne.
|
| 00:09:11 | Yup, they are ducking us.
|
| 00:09:12 | But don't worry.
|
| 00:09:13 | We'll line up another topnotch opponent.
|
| 00:09:15 | Has the pretzel lady gotten back to us yet?
|
| 00:09:23 | I'm sorry I'm late.
|
| 00:09:24 | I couldn't get used to the heels.
|
| 00:09:26 | What is that?
|
| 00:09:27 | It's my outfit for my next match.
|
| 00:09:28 | Mr. Strickland says that if I ever want
to fight Freeda Foreman
I need an image.
|
| 00:09:35 | So... ♪♪ ta-da! ♪♪
|
| 00:09:36 | I'm a fighting French maid.
|
| 00:09:39 | (giggles) (sighing)
Dang it, I thought I made myself clear
when I told him no boxing thong.
|
| 00:09:44 | I'm going to go talk to Buck.
|
| 00:09:46 | You need to practice
so, get out of that stupid outfit.
|
| 00:09:49 | And for God's sake,
don't leave it where Bobby can find it.
|
| 00:09:52 | Luanne, if you want to be punched by Freeda
Foreman
then Peggy Hill is the one that can make
it happen.
|
| 00:09:58 | Come on, let's go pick a fight.
|
| 00:10:00 | It's just that Luanne and I are trying to
build
a legitimate boxing career.
|
| 00:10:05 | BORA: Oh, Mr. Buck.
|
| 00:10:06 | Uh, yeah, I got you, Hank.
|
| 00:10:07 | No skimpy costumes, no dressing her like
a rabbit.
|
| 00:10:10 | Thanks for coming by.
|
| 00:10:11 | Sir, Mr. Randy is throwing up again.
|
| 00:10:13 | Uh-huh, uh-huh.
|
| 00:10:14 | Thanks, uh, Penelope.
|
| 00:10:15 | Wait a minute.
|
| 00:10:16 | You're supposed to be The Slamming Slavic.
|
| 00:10:18 | But you're just Buck's maid.
|
| 00:10:20 | Buck's maid?
|
| 00:10:21 | All right, all right,
you caught me with my pants down.
|
| 00:10:25 | I threw patsies in there
to protect your pretty little niece.
|
| 00:10:28 | Oh, God, you mean every fight has been a
fraud?
|
| 00:10:32 | What about Helga the Hammer?
|
| 00:10:33 | Librarian. Never been in the ring.
|
| 00:10:47 | Okay, Luanne, now you have to trash-talk
and embarrass her.
|
| 00:10:50 | It's the only way she'll accept a fight with
you.
|
| 00:10:54 | You ready?
|
| 00:10:55 | Uh-huh.
|
| 00:10:56 | Hey, Freeda Foreman!
|
| 00:10:57 | Everybody knows you're nothing
but a fraidy cat.
|
| 00:11:01 | Wow, you have pretty eyes.
|
| 00:11:03 | Who the heckre you?
|
| 00:11:05 | Luanne Platter.
|
| 00:11:07 | It's nice to meet you.
|
| 00:11:08 | Yeah, whatever.
|
| 00:11:08 | Hey! Yeah, you, you big can of beans!
|
| 00:11:11 | You give Luanne here a match!
|
| 00:11:13 | Unless you're scared, huh?
|
| 00:11:16 | Are you scared?
|
| 00:11:17 | Yeah, you're not a champ.
|
| 00:11:18 | You're a chump!
|
| 00:11:19 | Chump, chump, chumpity-chump!
|
| 00:11:22 | Shut up, Grandma-hair.
|
| 00:11:26 | Freeda! Oh, Freeda!
|
| 00:11:29 | ♪♪ Free-hee-hee-da! ♪♪
|
| 00:11:30 | All right, you want to fight?
|
| 00:11:32 | You got a fight.
|
| 00:11:33 | And when I get done whippin' up on her
I'm going to come looking foryou.
|
| 00:11:37 | What'd I do?
|
| 00:11:45 | (sighs)
Uncle Hank! Uncle Hank!
|
| 00:11:49 | You'll never believe it!
|
| 00:11:51 | We got a fight with Freeda Foreman!
|
| 00:11:54 | What? No.
|
| 00:11:55 | I know, it's amazing, isn't it?
|
| 00:11:57 | Now, we better train.
|
| 00:11:59 | She's much bigger than me.
|
| 00:12:00 | I think she's even bigger than you.
|
| 00:12:08 | Well, we cannot tell her that her fights
are fixed.
|
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