Late Show With David Letterman   View more episodes

Aired at 05:35 AM on Tuesday, Mar 12, 2013 (3/12/2013)      View all transcripts from this day

Transcript

00:00:08(Band playing "late show" theme) >>from the heart of broadway, broadcasting across the nation and around the world, it's the "late show" with david letterman.
00:00:18..
00:00:27Plus paul shaffer and the cbs orchestra.
00:00:32I'm alan kalter.
00:00:34Captioning sponsored by WORLDWIDE PANTS and CBS (Cheers and applause) and now, the "pro" in "quid pro quo" david letterman!
00:01:19(Cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> Dave: Thank you very much.
00:01:21Thank you.
00:01:21Oh, wait a minute, please.
00:01:24Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
00:01:25Welcome the late show and by the way, feel free to help yourselves to a large sugary soda.
00:01:30>> Paul: Yeah!
00:01:39(Laughter) it's official, we can drink all the large sugary soda we want here in new york city.
00:01:44I saw a woman today with a giant soda, honest to god, it was so big it had a pull handle and wheels.
00:01:55(Laughter) giant sugary soda.
00:02:02As you probably know, mayor bloom dennis seidenberg-- and i thought well, this is not a bad attention getter, it's not a bad idea all together-- he was wanting to ban the giant sugary sodas and the judge-- whose name is milton tingling-- (laughter) judge milton tingling overruled the ban on giant sugary sodas.
00:02:24Now, I don't have a joke here, just like saying judge milton tingling.
00:02:28>> Paul: I like the way you say it.
00:02:30>> Dave: Judge milton tingling.
00:02:32(Applause) anybody here ever read the bible?
00:02:38(Laughter) >> Paul: Yeah.
00:02:40(Laughter) >> Dave: The horn section.
00:02:46The history channel the has written a brand new movie about the bible.
00:02:53It's the same channel that " (laughter) >> Paul: Yes.
00:02:57>> Dave: But now they're doing a movie about the bible and I've been watching it.
00:03:01Anybody been watching the new bible movie?
00:03:03(Applause) how the shalt not tell a lie.
00:03:10(Laughter) it's weird, the new bible movie, it's weird.
00:03:14Take a look.
00:03:17>> Moses, you must free my people from pharaoh's tyranny.
00:03:23>> But how can I set them free?
00:03:26>> Go to pharaoh and tell him -- hold on, someone's on the extension.
00:03:32(Laughter) jesus, I'm talking to the bush here.
00:03:36Why don't you use that fancy cellular I bought you.
00:03:39Listen, moses, I've got to, go I'll catch you later.
00:03:44(Dial tone) (applause) apparently dennis rodman while he was -- you know he went to visit kim jong-un in north korea evil dictator kim joj un and while he was there he made a movie.
00:04:04Dennis rodman made a movie.
00:04:05Take a look.
00:04:07>> An unconventional cop with a flair for destruction.
00:04:11>> I kind of like trouble.
00:04:14>> Takes on an international arms dealer and only one man can help him succeed.
00:04:19Rod man/un.
00:04:23Un-stopable.
00:04:24Your supreme leader is now your supreme action hero.
00:04:26Coming soon.
00:04:28>> >> Dave: Get it out of here.
00:04:32That's right.
00:04:32(Applause) you folks ready for conclave 2013?
00:04:42(Applause) >> Paul: Exciting!
00:04:47(Laughter) >> Dave: The cardinals are all in europe, in italy in the vatican city staying at the guest house.
00:04:56The $20 million guest house at the vatican.
00:05:00Anybody stayed at the $20 million vatican guest house.
00:05:03>> Paul: Haven't had the pleasure.
00:05:09(Laughter) yeah.
00:05:11The cardinals have taken a vow of silence -- just like last night's audience.
00:05:18(Rim shot) judge milton tingling.
00:05:23(Applause) you know, 24-hour kov ram of the selection process for the new pope.
00:05:32A lot of papal trifia.
00:05:34For example, did you know-- and I bet you did-- no pope has ever in the history of the catholic church no pope has ever been elected without carrying ohio.
00:05:43(Laughter) but the cardinals are all there and the voting process is so simple and I think that's reassuring.
00:06:00They each write down their choice on a small slip of paper and put in the a silver chalice and then they mix all the names up and they're drawn out.
00:06:09It's the same thing they do for the vatican secret santa.
00:06:25(Laughter) but the pope as you probably know has more than one designation.
00:06:29Of course the pope is the pope but he's also the bishop of rome did you know that?
00:06:33Also the bishop of roam.
00:06:36He's also known as pontiff and here's what I didn't know.
00:06:39Diddy.
00:06:39(Laughter) diddy.
00:06:41>> Paul: He's diddy?
00:06:43>> Dave: Diddy.
00:06:44(Laughter) 6-you can call him diddy.
00:06:47(Laughter) but the cardinal it is are very contentious and they want to make sure -- they don't want to pick somebody with skeletons in his closet.
00:07:00They have to be very care -- they have to really vet the candidate.
00:07:05So they don't want any trouble.
00:07:07They don't want to find out there's been skeletons.
00:07:09I said wait a minute, we're talking about priests here, what possible kind of trouble -- (laughter) really, when you think about it, what possibly -- >> Paul: Never mind, never mind.
00:07:18>> Dave: Honest to god.
00:07:20Really.
00:07:21(Applause) my milton is tingling.
00:07:38(Laughter) are you ready for conclave 2013, ladies and gentlemen?
00:07:42(Applause) I'll -- I'll take a card.
00:07:56(Laughter) 9, um -- I'll take another card.
00:08:00(Laughter) ooh!
00:08:04Ooh!
00:08:05>> Paul: 16, Dave.
00:08:07>> Dave: Ooh, 16.
00:08:09Now this is stupid.
00:08:10I'll take another one.
00:08:11Come on, let me see, one more.
00:08:13What is it?
00:08:15>> Hey, look at that!
00:08:16(Bell ringing) >> Dave: How about that?
00:08:21Blackjack!
00:08:22Paul shaffer, everybody!
00:08:23>> Paul: Thanks, david!
00:08:25Nice one.
00:08:31♪ ♪
00:08:31♪ ♪
00:08:32>> Dave: Ladies and gentlemen, on the program tonight the lovable steve carell, we'll be right back.
00:08:37God bless you, everybody.
00:09:04playing♪
00:09:19washgo cleansing?
00:09:20Olay ultra moisture body washcan with more moisturizers than seven bottles of the leading body wash.
00:09:26With ultra moisture your body washis anything but basic.
00:09:30Soft, smooth skin with olay.
00:09:34]Everyday people advil®.
00:09:35My name is tahoand I'm a fish guy.
00:09:36 it's a lot of labor and it's a lot of love.
00:09:40 my job is my workout.
00:09:43You're shoveling ice all day long.
00:09:44 it's rough on the shoulders.
00:09:47I get muscle aches all over.advil® is great.
00:09:50Pain and sorenessis just out of the picture.
00:09:53[ Male Announcer ]MAKE THE SWITCH.
00:09:54Take action. take advil®.
00:09:56And for sinus congestion, now you can get advil® combinedwith a proven decongestant.
00:09:59Breathe easier with advil®congestion relief.
00:10:34home.
00:10:34] oh. where were you?
00:10:35Uh, I was just in the car.
00:10:37Come here. okay.
00:10:38[ inhales deeply ] MINT.
00:10:39I HAD A Shamrock Shake. I HATE YOU.
00:10:41And I got one for you, too.
00:10:43I love you.
00:10:44[ Male Announcer ] McCaféShamrock Shake FROM McDonald's.
00:10:47♪ ♪
00:11:15Hey.
00:11:15They're coming.
00:11:16Yeah.
00:11:17British.
00:11:18Later.
00:11:19Sorry.
00:11:20OK...Four words...
00:11:21scarecrow in the wind...
00:11:22A baboon... Monkey?
00:11:23Hot stew Saturday!?
00:11:24RONNY: Hey Jimmy, how happy are folks who save hundreds of dollars switching to GEICO?
00:11:29JIMMY: Happier than Paul Revere with a cell phone.
00:11:30RONNY: Why not?
00:11:32ANNCR: Get happy.
00:11:32Get GEICO.
00:11:33Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more.
00:12:06macchiato,please.
00:12:08♪ ♪
00:12:14♪ ♪
00:12:19♪ ♪
00:12:24♪ ♪
00:12:29[ Male Announcer ] THE NEW HAZELNUT MACCHIATO From starbucks.
00:12:33Crafted by hand & heart.
00:12:48♪ ♪
00:12:49♪ ♪
00:12:52(cheers and applause) >> Dave: How about that, ladies and gentlemen?
00:13:00That's all you want.
00:13:01All you need.
00:13:02Let's see if I have that number.
00:13:04I should -- oh, here it is right here.
00:13:06>> Paul: Oh.
00:13:07Going to make a call?
00:13:08>> Dave: Yeah, hang on a second.
00:13:13(Laughter) (dial tone) this is a buddy of mine over at patrick's gave me the number where the cardinals -- (laughter) -- in rome are staying.
00:13:37The conclave.
00:13:38Hang on.
00:13:38(Phone ringing) I wonder what time it is in rome.
00:13:46>> Paul: Oh, it's got to be -- >> yeah, conclave.
00:13:49(Laughter) >> Dave: Hi.
00:13:52Who is this?
00:13:53>> Carlos scola, who the hell is this?
00:13:56(Laughter) >> Dave: I'm dave letterman calling from new york city.
00:13:59>> No kidding?
00:14:00Hang on, I'm going to put you on speaker.
00:14:07>> Dave: How's the conclave going?
00:14:09Anybody emerged as the front-runner?
00:14:14>> Well, there's a couple votes for scola, a couple votes for dolan and some wise ass wrote in joe pesci.
00:14:22(Laughter) >> Dave: Have you guys been able to agree on anything yet?
00:14:26>> Yeah, we agreed that kate hudson isn't hot, she's red hot.
00:14:30Am I right, guys?
00:14:35Who's on the show tonight?
00:14:36>> Dave: Steve carell is on the program, he's very good.
00:14:39>> Hey, can you get him to sign my d.v.d. "crazy stupid love"?
00:14:44(Laughter) >> Dave: Yes, I'll see what -- (dial tone) (applause) a hope whole hunk we didn't get to.
00:15:00Do it again?
00:15:01Was it me or was there something we didn't get to?
00:15:04Saving it?
00:15:04What are they saving it for?
00:15:06Another show?
00:15:07(Laughter) try it again?
00:15:09Okay, so where do we start?
00:15:14(Laughter) >> Paul: Why not start from the top?
00:15:22>> Dave: Okay.
00:15:23I'll be here.
00:15:24Let's go, take it away, paul.
00:15:28♪ ♪
00:15:29♪ ♪
00:15:38>> Dave: It's our good friend paul and the wonderful paul shaffer.
00:15:42The mighty mighty schaff-tones.
00:15:48>> Paul: Oh, you don't have to say that, we love when you do.
00:15:58(Laughter) I stopped by -- everybody in the town has got pope fever.
00:16:02>> Paul: Oh, yes.
00:16:04>> Dave: It's like mardi gras for heaven's sake and the I went patrick's day center and I was talking to a guy and he said "you know what would be fun?
00:16:14I have a number of the vatican, the conclave where all the cardinals are sequestered, cloistered to take the vote and I'll give you the number, us call and have some fun with " >> Paul: Sounds like a gas.
00:16:26>> Dave: So I said okay, thank you, and I will.
00:16:30Here's the number right here.
00:16:31I hope nobody's able to hack this number.
00:16:49Py wonder if it will be the same guy.
00:16:51(Applause) hang on, what time is in the rome,fall?
00:16:54>> Paul: It's got to be -- >> yeah, conclave.
00:16:57>> Dave: Hello, hi, is this the pope conclave?
00:17:00Who am I speaking with?
00:17:02Oh, for the love of (bleep).
00:17:08>> Dave: What the hell is going on?
00:17:12Honest to god!
00:17:14>> Paul: Play the song again and do it again?
00:17:16>> Dave: I don't know!
00:17:17What happened?
00:17:19Did he not hear he?
00:17:20He's in the next room!
00:17:21He can't hear me?
00:17:24(Laughter) >> Paul: They're taking a vote.
00:17:26>> Dave: He did hear me but chose not to respond?
00:17:29(Laughter) >> Paul: He didn't like that line of questioning.
00:17:34>> Dave: I don't know, I tried.
00:17:37What do we do now?
00:17:38Just forget it?
00:17:39One more time?
00:17:40Now wait a minute, hold it, hold it!
00:17:44♪ ♪
00:17:44♪ ♪
00:17:53>> Dave: Honest to god it ain't that (bleep)ing funny that we're doing it again.
00:17:57(Laughter) oh, hey, how about paul shaffer and the -- (cheers and applause) >> Dave: You know what I did today on my lunch hour?
00:18:18I think you have an idea.
00:18:20(Laughter) patrick's and the place is crazy.
00:18:25They've got it decorated.
00:18:27They're putting up glittery disco balls.
00:18:30People have gone absolutely pope mad.
00:18:33Pope madness is sweeping the city and this guy said hey, dave come in here for a second.
00:18:38He said a buddy of mine is over there at the conclave.
00:18:42I said a cardinal?
00:18:43Like cardinal dolan?
00:18:44He said yeah.
00:18:45He said -- I got the number if you want tonight for some fun.
00:18:49You might have some laughs with this.
00:18:50(Laughter) >> Paul: Yeah?
00:18:56>> Dave: And I said "well, that " (laughter and applause) so he gave me the number where the popes are -- where the cardinals are voting on the pope.
00:19:13>> Paul: Yeah.
00:19:14>> Dave: Let's see if we can make contact.
00:19:16(Laughter) and if this doesn't work I go right to the cyanide capsule.
00:19:22(Applause) okay, here's the number.
00:19:30Paul, just a little music.
00:19:33Hold on.
00:19:36(Laughter) >> Dave: Even the phone knows it's not funny.
00:19:40(Laughter) okay, this will be good.
00:19:47(Laughs) (phone ringing) >> conclave!
00:19:56(Laughter) >> Dave: Hi.
00:19:58Hi, it's me again.
00:20:01Who -- who am I speaking with?
00:20:03>> It's cardinal scola, who the hell is this?
00:20:06Is >> Dave: It's me, dave letterman from new york city!
00:20:10No >> no kidding, hang on, I'm going to put you on speaker.
00:20:13Hey, guys, it's letterman!
00:20:15>> Hey, dave!
00:20:16(Laughter) >> Dave: Well, thanks, how's the conclave going?
00:20:23>> Well, there's a couple votes for scola, a couple of votes for dolan and some wise ass wrote in joe pesci.
00:20:32>> Dave: Joe pesci, yeah.
00:20:35And have you guys been able to agree on anything?
00:20:37>> We agreed that kate upton isn't hot, she's red hot.
00:20:40Am I right, d.w.i.s?
00:20:42(Yelling) hey, who's on the show tonight?
00:20:46>> Dave: Steve carell, if he's still here.
00:20:47(Laughter) >> can you get him to sign my d.v.d. "crazy, stupid love"?
00:20:53>> Dave: Doing that.
00:20:54Thank you, nice talking with you guys.
00:20:57(Dial tone) (applause) I still -- I still -- you know what, ladies and gentlemen?
00:21:06Now it's time for tonight's top ten list.
00:21:08Let's go.
00:21:08(Cheers and applause) listen to this, paul, researchers claim drugs one day will be developed within the next five years that will slow the aging process and enable humans to live to 150 years old h.
00:21:33>> Dave: 150?
00:21:34>> Dave: Yes, within five years they will have the pharmaceutical possibility of extending life to 150 years old.
00:21:41>> Paul: Wow.
00:21:42>> Dave: Amazing.
00:21:42So the category tonight, questions to ask yourself before attempting to live to 150.
00:21:48(Laughter) before you make the attempt.
00:21:51(Laughter) here's some questions.
00:21:55It's a thought-provoking circumstance.
00:21:58Questions to ask yourself.
00:23:05(Cheers and applause) ♪ ♪
00:23:06♪ ♪
00:23:13>> Dave: Ladies and gentlemen, when we come back, steve carell will be here, everybody.
00:23:17(Cheers and applause) ♪
00:23:33
00:23:41
00:23:52When a car has a rangeof engines...
00:23:56from the fuel-efficientEcoBoost...
00:23:58to a plug-in hybrid with anEPA-estimated 108 city MPGe, it eliminates everythingelse from the picture.
00:24:07Introducing the entirelynew Ford Fusion.
00:24:11An entirely new idea ofwhat a car can be.
00:24:22] lobsterfest our largest selection of lobster entrees, like lobster lover's dream or new grilled lobsterand lobster tacos.
00:24:28Come in nowand sea food differently.
00:24:31com now for an exclusive $10 couponon two lobsterfest entrees.
00:24:37Dove try OUR Go Sleeveless DEODORANTFOR FIVE DAYS.
00:24:41Everybody got two t-shirts.
00:24:43Which would they wear on day five?
00:24:45Sleeveless.
00:24:45[ Female Announcer ] FOR VISIBLY SOFTER And smoother underarms, sleeveless ready in just five days.
00:24:52call.
00:24:52She said, "I haven't done my taxes for a few years." What's a few?
00:24:57She said, "I think it's eight." She showed up with four file boxes of paperwork.
00:25:02"Here, take my stuff and figure it out." I will do that for you.
00:25:08It's a mental challenge. It's a puzzle.
00:25:11But getting you themaximum refund- that's what I'm here for.
00:25:15Bring it on.
00:26:14,,,,,, excited day?
00:27:04Yeah.
00:27:04
00:27:08Dad: You'll be fine, ok?
00:27:12Girl: Ok.
00:27:13Dad: You look so pretty.
00:27:14
00:27:16I'm overprotective.
00:27:20That's why I got a Subaru.
00:27:24Love.
00:27:27It's what makes a Subaru, aSubaru.
00:27:45♪ ♪
00:27:46♪ ♪
00:27:47(cheers and applause) >> Paul: David?
00:28:01>> Dave: Hmm?
00:28:02>> Paul: What are you doing?
00:28:03>> Dave: Oh, just reminding myself to be sure and call the vatican.
00:28:07(Laughter) >> Paul: That's good.
00:28:09>> Dave: Ladies and gentlemen, our first guest is a very funny and talented man.
00:28:14He's starring in a new film entitled "the incredible burt " I've seen the film, I found it delightful.
00:28:20>> Paul: Oh, really?
00:28:21>> Dave: It's in theaters on friday, here he is, the always entertaining steve carell, ladies and gentlemen.
00:28:26(Cheers and applause) ♪ ♪
00:28:35♪ ♪
00:28:43>> Dave: Wow!
00:28:50That hit the spot!
00:28:54What >> what a great country we live in!
00:28:57(Laughter) >> Dave: I can barely lift it.
00:29:00So nice to see you.
00:29:01>> Nice to see you.
00:29:02>> Dave: I have so many things to ask you about and I'll start with -- I was watching the history channel, the bible, last night.
00:29:08(Laughter) and then comes an episode of "pawn stars" the show about the pawnshop in las vegas and then there you are on the pawn stars show in the pawnshop in las vegas and I said oh, he's in there because he's filming burt wonderstone because they filmed that in las vegas and they called him up and had him do a cameo and there he is.
00:29:29Is that what happened?
00:29:30>> Yes!
00:29:31>> Dave: Yeah.
00:29:33(Laughter) >> Dave: I would love to go into that pawnshop but I know that if the show is so popular that we you can't get in.
00:29:40>> Lines around the block.
00:29:41>> Dave: Lines literally around the block.
00:29:43>> No one buys anything but t-shirt there is.
00:29:45(Laughter) >> Dave: You can make a comfortable living.
00:29:48What is it like once you're inside there?
00:29:50>> Magical.
00:29:51(Laughter) it is!
00:29:54>> Dave: Pawnshop, magical.
00:29:57>> My kids love chumley so much.
00:30:00It's a sit come.
00:30:01It's a walking sitcom.
00:30:04>> Dave: Did you call them and say "i'd like to come over" or did they approach you?
00:30:08>> I just happened to be walking in that part of vegas.
00:30:10>> Dave: No you weren't.
00:30:12No you weren't.
00:30:13(Laughter) >> I happened to be in los angeles, I got on a plane and flew there and shot a little bit.
00:30:19>> Dave: So it had nothing to do with the filming of "burt wonderstone"?
00:30:23>> It had nothing to do with the filming but a lot to do with the promotion of.
00:30:27>> Dave: I must say I thoroughly enjoyed it.
00:30:30Because you stood up to rick and just starting calling him.
00:30:33He gave you a price and you doubled it.
00:30:35And it kept going and you won so I was very proud.
00:30:39Nice going.
00:30:40>> Dave: Very smart guy.
00:30:41I liked him a lot.
00:30:42>> Dave: You watch the show a lot?
00:30:44>> Uh-huh, I do.
00:30:45>> Dave: You and your family go on -- I know there's no segues here but I'm just shot.
00:30:51Believe me, I'm exhausted.
00:30:53>> Do you want to ask me about skiing?
00:30:56>> Dave: You and the family are going skiing?
00:30:59>> Rick from "pawn stars" loves skiing.
00:31:01As do i.
00:31:02(Laughter) and when I go skiing -- (applause) that's our family sport.
00:31:12>> Dave: Well, you're from new england.
00:31:15Everybody grew up skiing.
00:31:16>> No, just the last few years.
00:31:17They started -- they're still pretty young.
00:31:20>> Dave: Here's a technical it's late in the season skiing wise.
00:31:25Where might you go to find snow?
00:31:27>> We would go to utah to go skiing.
00:31:29>> Dave: They still have late season snow there?
00:31:31>> They do.
00:31:31>> Dave: And you're an accomplished skier yourself?
00:31:34>> I'm an excellent all-around athlete.
00:31:46(Laughter) I've actually -- I've found the older I get the better athlete i was when I was younger.
00:31:54>> Dave: I know you were a bike racer.
00:31:56You loved bicycles and race competitively.
00:31:59>> I race competitively.
00:32:00I was a ski racer as well.
00:32:02I can just say anything!
00:32:04>> Dave: I guess that's true.
00:32:05>> But that is actually true.
00:32:07I did compete as a ski racer.
00:32:09>> Dave: You were on this show once I believe with lance armstrong.
00:32:11>> I was.
00:32:12And he did not think that i actually a competitive bike racer.
00:32:18>> Dave: Really.
00:32:18 on me, as he said.
00:32:21>> Dave: No kidding?
00:32:22>> Yes.
00:32:23Snupl hmm, that's odd, isn't it?
00:32:25(Applause) I mean when you think about it.
00:32:32I like stories about you and your folks when you were a young fellow going camping.
00:32:39And that's sweet.
00:32:40Do you have more or less fond memorys or funny memories of those experiences?
00:32:43>> Now they are, yeah.
00:32:44I think any bad memory turns into a fond memory over time.
00:32:48We used to go camping with our nimrod trailer.
00:32:50We would pull that behind us.
00:32:52>> Dave: Is that one of those things that you unhook it and everything -- >> yeah, it's a tent trailer, it pops up and we time ourselves to see how quickly we can get the tent trailer up at night.
00:33:03>> Dave: How many in your family >> four boys and my parents.
00:33:08So we used to go off and we were looking for this place called ed allen's fisherman's paradise.
00:33:14We saw brochures.
00:33:16>> Dave: Ed allen's -- >> ed allen's and we'd see billboards miles away "come to ed allen's fisherman's " it was nirvana for a camping family.
00:33:27They had an actual swimming pool.
00:33:29They had a go cart track.
00:33:31They had all of this stuff and every ten miles there would be, you know, all of the wonderful things about ed allen's.
00:33:37We got there and the pool, it was sort of a dead body in the bottom of the pool pool.
00:33:42(Laughter) the go-carts hadn't been actually in operation since the '60s.
00:33:49It -- and it was a mosquito-infested swamp.
00:33:56And stayed.
00:33:57>> Dave: How long did you stay at ed allen's fisherman's paradise.
00:34:01>> We were there for the weekend.
00:34:03>> Dave: (Laughs) an entire weekend.
00:34:05How was the fishing as you recall?
00:34:06>> There was no place to fish!
00:34:08It was a swamp.
00:34:11It was swamp lead.
00:34:12>> Dave: We'll be right back with steve carell, ladies and gentlemen.
00:34:15(Applause) ♪
00:34:29♪ ♪
00:34:52
00:34:52sis!
00:34:53Yeessss?
00:34:54Where you hidin' your moist wipes?
00:34:56Oh, I don't need 'em.
00:34:57Really?
00:35:00What are you doing?
00:35:00Oh, just getting clean with no water.
00:35:03Kinda like using t.p. with no moist wipes.
00:35:07Hmm. point taken.
00:35:11Thank you.
00:35:13[ Female Announcer ]NOTHING LEAVES YOU FEELING Cleaner and fresher than the cottonellecare routine -- now with a touch of cotton.
00:35:18Test your cleaning logicat cottonelle.com.
00:36:03,,,, ] me.
00:36:33Believe I'm just glitz and glamwhen I'm so much more.
00:36:39I'm downtown and ocean front.
00:36:42My nights are just as busy as my days.
00:36:46The arts are my passion.
00:36:48Food my obsession.
00:36:49And when you finally think you know me.
00:36:51You'll realize, there's still so much more to discover.
00:36:55Los angeles. endlessly entertaining.
00:36:58com ♪ ♪
00:37:49♪ ♪
00:37:51>> Dave: Outsiders, "time won't " classic.
00:37:56How's your hip?
00:37:56>> My hip is not so good.
00:37:58>> Dave: What did you do to it?
00:38:00>> I was a goalie in hockey and apparently goalies are prone to these specific hip injuries so i had to have these injections.
00:38:06>> Dave: What are the injections?
00:38:08>> It's called ortho visk.
00:38:11It's essentially wd-40 for your hip.
00:38:15>> Dave: It's lubrication?
00:38:18>> Yes it's lubrication.
00:38:20>> Dave: Huff to have it replaced?
00:38:23>> Eventually I will.
00:38:25I'll do it on the show if you like.
00:38:26(Applause) >> I thought they'd go in through here.
00:38:31Your hip isn't there.
00:38:32They go in through your grain with a need this will long and you can look at it on the x-ray.
00:38:37You can watch the needle going in.
00:38:39>> Dave: Oh, my lord.
00:38:40>> And searching around and last time I had it done the doctor couldn't find it for 15 or 20 minutes.
00:38:46Like, "nope, nope, that's not it.
00:38:48" (laughter) and then -- and you're just writhing on -- >> Dave: It's got to be wildly uncomfortable.
00:38:55>> Yeah, it's kind of a sickening sort of pain.
00:38:58>> Dave: Any sound associated with the search?
00:39:04(Laughter) >> we're really dragging this up aren't we?
00:39:08(Laughter) yeah, that was little bit of bone on bone stuff.
00:39:11>> Dave: How long does one of these treatments last?
00:39:13>> They're supposed to last for six months.
00:39:15>> Dave: And this is all from being a kid and playing hockey?
00:39:18>> Yeah because of the butterflies.
00:39:19The way your hips go out in a certain way when you make saves.
00:39:22>> Dave: Kick save and a beauty.
00:39:24>> Yeah.
00:39:24>> Dave: Were you any good?
00:39:26Of course you are.
00:39:27Yeah.
00:39:30(Laughter) I'm glad to hear it.
00:39:34(Applause) this movie, you and jim carrey and steve buscemi and david copperfield.
00:39:44Now tell me was he supposed knob the movie?
00:39:46>> He was.
00:39:47He showed up and shot a cam wrote but then he kept coming back.
00:39:50He kept reappearing.
00:39:52Everyday -- you know, we were there for a couple weeks.
00:39:55Couple days later and there he is.
00:39:56(Laughter) >> Dave: And did you -- what do you make of the guy?
00:40:01>> Um, I thought he was -- well, he's a legend, you know?
00:40:05The guy is -- he is david copperfield.
00:40:07There is no other david copperfield.
00:40:10I called him on his island.
00:40:13The island of copperfield.
00:40:15>> Dave: He has an island somewhere?
00:40:17>> And he has an answering the cola nut guy.
00:40:32Welcome to copperfield island.
00:40:35This is his answering machine.
00:40:37And right in the middle of it " "hello?
00:40:43" >> Dave: (Laughs) do you get the impression the guy is there with david?
00:40:47>> That jeffrey holder is just answering the phone?
00:40:54(Laughter) >> "i will do it, david, " that would be great!
00:41:02>> Dave: Would be wonderful.
00:41:02>> I would love that.
00:41:03>> Dave: I would love it as well.
00:41:05>> I'm going to get us a drink!
00:41:07>> Dave: So what did you do?
00:41:09You were in hitz act, is that right?
00:41:10>> I did a little bit.
00:41:12>> Dave: What did you do?
00:41:13>> I came out and gave him shoes and I left.
00:41:15He didn't trust know do anything.
00:41:17I would have killed someone.
00:41:18>> Dave: Now this movie, speaking of killing someone is like that.
00:41:24People are going to get killed in the film.
00:41:27To great headliners in las vegas and suddenly things change and it's like a david blaine guy shows up?
00:41:34>> Right.
00:41:34Right.
00:41:34Jim carrey plays the new guy on the block.
00:41:37I'm the old school magician who doesn't really care anymore and he's narcissistic but he wants to come up with a big trick so they have a battle.
00:41:47>> Dave: It's an excellent idea for a movie and the people in the film are just great.
00:41:51>> Dave: Alan arkin and olivia wilde.
00:41:54>> Dave: Let's look at the clip here.
00:41:57Do you know what this is?
00:41:58>> Steve buscemi and I have had a falling out and this is when we're coming back together and rekindling our friendship.
00:42:04>> Dave: You and steve buscemi are the kings of las vegas.
00:42:07>> We are the kings of las vegas and have been partners for years.
00:42:09We have a falling out and this is our reunion.
00:42:12Take a look.
00:42:13>> So good to see your face.
00:42:15>> Thank you so much!
00:42:18I just miss you so much!
00:42:20>> I missed you, too!
00:42:25(Blubbering) >> I can't understand you.
00:42:30If (blubbering) >> I'm so happy.
00:42:39So happy.
00:42:40I'm so happy.
00:42:42I promised myself I wasn't going to do there.
00:42:45>> I promised myself I was going to do this.
00:42:49(Applause) >> Dave: (Laughs) well there you go.
00:42:54"The incredible burt " the incredible steve carell, always a pleasure, my friend.
00:42:59Happy shopping.
00:43:00We'll be right back with'm ilia clark, everybody.
00:43:06feelingembarrassed skin.
00:43:08[ Designer ]ENOUGH OF JUST COVERING UP My moderate to severeplaque psoriasis.
00:43:12I decided enough is enough.
00:43:14♪ ♪
00:43:16[ Spa Lady ] I STARTED ENBREL.
00:43:16It's clinically provento provide clearer skin.
00:43:19[ RV Guy ] ENBREL MAY NOT WORKFOR EVERYONE -- and may not clear youcompletely, but for many, it gets skinclearer fast, within 2 months, and keeps it clearerthrough 6 months.
00:43:28[ Male Announcer ]ENBREL MAY LOWER YOUR ABILITY To fight infections.
00:43:31Serious, sometimes fatalevents, including infections, tuberculosis, lymphoma,other cancers, nervous systemand blood disorders, and allergic reactionshave occurred.
00:43:41Before starting enbrel, your doctor should test youfor tuberculosis and discuss whetheryou've been to a region where certain fungal infectionsare common.
00:43:48You should not start enbrel if you have an infectionlike the flu.
00:43:50Tell your doctorif you're prone to infections, have cuts or sores,have had hepatitis b, have been treatedfor heart failure, or if you have symptomssuch as persistent fever, bruising, bleeding,or paleness.
00:44:01If you've had enough, ask your dermatologistabout enbrel.
00:44:06hard you work for your paycheck.
00:44:07So we help you keep more of it by covering everything from everything from a service member's deployment to a teacher's crayons.
00:44:13Helping you get back every penny you deserve.
00:44:16Try it free at TurboTax.com.
00:44:51home.
00:44:52] oh. where were you?
00:44:53Uh, I was just in the car.
00:44:55Oh, the car. what's that on your collar?
00:44:57HMM? OH -- TIE. [ chuckles ] [ chuckles ] WHY DO YOU SEEM HAPPY?
00:45:00I'm not. come here.
00:45:01Okay.
00:45:02[ inhales deeply ] MINT.
00:45:05Wow.
00:45:06I HAD A Shamrock Shake.
00:45:08I hate you.
00:45:09And I got one for you, too.
00:45:11I love you.
00:45:11[ Male Announcer ]THE MAGICAL, MINTY FLAVOR You'll covetwith all your heart.
00:45:15McCafé Shamrock Shakefrom McDonald's.
00:45:17..
00:45:18Mint.
00:45:19♪ ♪
00:45:21playing♪
00:46:26
00:46:27[ Male Announcer ]START WITH AN ALL NEW AWARD Winning car. good.
00:46:30Now find the most hard coredriver in america.
00:46:33That guy, put him in it. what's this?
00:46:35[ Male Announcer ] TELL HIMHE'S ABOUT TO Find out.
00:46:37You're about to find out.
00:46:38[ Male Announcer ] TEST IT.
00:46:39Highlight the european chassis, 6 speed manual, dual exhaust, wide stance, clean lines, have him floor it, spin it,punch it, drift it, put it through its paces, is he happy?
00:46:50Oh ya, he's happy!
00:46:51[ Male Announcer ] AND THAT'SHOW YOU TEST Your car for fun.
00:46:54Easy.
00:46:56Salon facial hair removal can be costly.
00:46:58Challenge that with olay facial hair removal duos for fine or coarse hair.
00:47:01First a pre-treatment balmthen the effective cream.
00:47:03For gentle hair removalat far less than salon prices.
00:47:08There's no place like home.
00:47:30
00:47:32[ Male Announcer ] EVERY TIME YOU SAY NO To a cigarette you celebrate a little win.
00:47:35Nicorette gum helps calmyour cravings and makes you less irritable.
00:47:38Quit one cigarette at a time.
00:47:41Go!
00:47:41Go olive garden's 2 for $25!
00:47:43Unlimited soup or salad.
00:47:45Choose an appetizer to share.
00:47:47Then two delicious entrees.
00:47:49Like new sicilianseafood lasagna.
00:47:51Three courses,two people, just $25.
00:47:54Go olive garden!
00:48:30♪ ♪
00:48:31♪ ♪
00:48:32(applause) >> Dave: Is that right?
00:48:37>> Paul: Oh, of course that's right.
00:48:40>> Dave: Our next guest will make her broadway debut in "breakfast at tiffanys" at the court theater.
00:48:47She also stars on the hbo series " ladies and gentlemen, here's the lovely emilia clark.
00:48:57Emilia, come right out.
00:48:58(Applause) (band playing "moon river") >> I love my sound track!
00:49:11>> Dave: Have you ever seen the movie "breakfast at tiffanys"?
00:49:15>> I have seen it.
00:49:16>> Dave: Did you enjoy it?
00:49:17>> I loved it.
00:49:18>> Dave: It was originally a short story written by truman capote.
00:49:23Am I right?
00:49:24>> You're exactly right.
00:49:25>> Dave: And you read that book?
00:49:26>> Oh, yeah.
00:49:27>> Dave: And is this different from the movie?
00:49:30>> It's a direct adaptation of the novella, of the book.
00:49:33So it's the book rather than the film.
00:49:36>> Dave: And is this your broadway debut?
00:49:38>> It is, yes.
00:49:39>> Dave: Well congratulations!
00:49:40>> Thank you very much.
00:49:41Thank you.
00:49:43>> Dave: At the court theater.
00:49:45>> At the court theater, indeed.
00:49:46>> Dave: In previews now.
00:49:48>> Yes.
00:49:48>> Dave: Now, I was told that there's a scene, a bathtub scene >> (laughs) yes >> Dave: And you have a cat in your show.
00:49:56>> I do, I do, we have a gorgeous wonderful cat.
00:49:59She's causing much more of a stir.
00:50:02>> Dave: What's the cat's name?
00:50:03>> In the book the cat's name is cat.
00:50:06(Laughter) >> Dave: Oh, no wonder.
00:50:07>> She doesn't have a name.
00:50:14>> Dave: People are all excited about the bathtub scene.
00:50:19>> Yes, they are.
00:50:20>> Dave: What's the contest?
00:50:20>> It's just a development of fred and collie's relationship.
00:50:27It's really not as quite as exciting as people are making out.
00:50:30(Laughs) >> Dave: But the problem is, when they see -- oh, there's a man and a woman in a bathtub, let's take pictures.
00:50:37Now -- (laughter) >> Dave: >> And you do!
00:50:40And you do!
00:50:41>> Dave: Who could blame you.
00:50:42But you don't want that in the theater so what do they do?
00:50:46>> Well, I just -- it hasn't happened.
00:50:48There really hasn't been that many people taking photos of us in the tub.
00:50:53>> Dave: They should be admonished and warned not to take photos.
00:50:57>> Dave: Indeed they should and there's just no need.
00:51:00They can go on youtube and see "game of thrones" and it would be more than they'd ever see in a bath.
00:51:07>> Dave: You get naked in the game of thrones?
00:51:09>> Yes.
00:51:11>> Dave: Wow!
00:51:13(Applause) >> thank you.
00:51:17>> Dave: As an actress, I just -- I don't know what to say.
00:51:23(Laughter) but it's -- for example your parents are living?
00:51:27>> Yes, they are, yes.
00:51:28>> Dave: So -- um -- (laughter) so they've seen "game of thrones"?
00:51:34>> They have, yes, they have.
00:51:36>> Dave: And what do they say?
00:51:38Hey, look there.
00:51:39Hey, hey.
00:51:41>> When they saw the bath scene they were like "what's all the fuss about?
00:51:46" >> Dave: Is your mother better about it than your snaert there's nothing to worry about.
00:51:52>> A, there's nothing to worry about and, b, my mum sees it and it's very cool and is fine with it and my dad just kind of avoids eye contact for the first kind of couple of hours after he's seen it then it's fine.
00:52:06>> Dave: But they must be quite proud of you and your success.
00:52:11>> I hope so, I think so, yes.
00:52:14>> Dave: You got your start acting in london?
00:52:16>> Yeah, I did.
00:52:17I did.
00:52:18>> Dave: At what age?
00:52:20>> Well, I always wanted to be an actor but when I was about 11 my parents are like "okay, you " and my dad works in the theater as a sound designer so he got me in on this west end audition.
00:52:31So I was 11 years old and I was like yeah, this is amazing I'm going to go in, be an actress.
00:52:38>> Dave: You had wanted to do this -- >> for quite some time and I was convinced it was going to work out brilliantly.
00:52:44So I turned up to this audition and was not expecting to see 80 girls lined up outside.
00:52:49>> Dave: Oh, my gold, 8011-year-old girls who wanted the part?
00:52:54>> Exactly.
00:52:54So I got in the theater and heard for the first time "midnight" you know ♪ midnight not a sound -- ♪
00:53:02>> Dave: Oh, midnight and the kittys are sleeping.
00:53:05" >> Dave: Yeah, ♪ midnight and the kittys are sleeping down stairs by the fire light -- ♪
00:53:17>> yeah!
00:53:18Well, I didn't know -- I had never heard that song before and I heard it like 80 times and so I was freaking out because i didn't have anything so I kind of shuffled on to the stage, my dad -- >> Dave: Wait a minute, this is your dad's fault.
00:53:30You're auditioning far musical and you don't have a piece to sing.
00:53:33Somebody -- >> I was pretty sure I could just go and wing it, I suppose.
00:53:38>> Dave: What did you do?
00:53:40>> So I just desperately in the few minutes before I walked on was trying to remember any songs and I was currently being taught a folk song at school called " >> Dave: Donkey riding.
00:53:51>> ♪ hey, 40, away we go riding on a dong kay ♪
00:53:55is how it goes.
00:53:56>> Dave: (Laughs) >> so that's what I did.
00:54:00>> Dave: And I loved it, right?
00:54:02>> They hated it!
00:54:03I don't think I got through the first verse.
00:54:05>> Dave: That's not right.
00:54:07>> So they asked me for something more contemporary so i quickly followed that up with a rendition of the spice girls "if " (laughter) >> Dave: How did that go?
00:54:16>> Complete with a dance routine.
00:54:18I think they saw that out through fits of laughter.
00:54:21I remember halfway through my macarena type dance looking at my dad and he's got his head in his hands.
00:54:28>> Dave: That's crushing.
00:54:30But you perseveres and look at him now.
00:54:33>> Exactly, yeah.
00:54:34Yeah, I took time out and rediscovered it.
00:54:37>> Dave: I'm proud of you.
00:54:38The run is going to be forever at the court theater.
00:54:40>> Hopefully.
00:54:41>> Dave: So you'll come back and see us from time to time?
00:54:44>> Indeed, yes.
00:54:45>> Dave: When is opening night?
00:54:46>> The 209.
00:54:47>> Dave: We'll look forward to that.
00:54:49Good luck for you.
00:54:51Thank you for being on the program.
00:54:53>> Thank you for having me.
00:54:54>> Dave: Emilia clark, everybody.
00:54:57,,,,,, ] nature.
00:56:00You don't decide when vegetables reach the peak of perfection.
00:56:03The vegetables do.
00:56:05At Green Giant, we pick vegetables only when they're perfect.
00:56:08Then freeze them fast so they're are as nutritiousas fresh.
00:56:10[ Green Giant ] Ho ho ho.
00:56:11♪ Green Giant ♪
00:56:15]This opposite ..
00:56:16..
00:56:18Just tacos.
00:56:19Yeah, it's our job to make you want it.
00:56:22..it's not that hard.
00:56:24Old el paso. when you gotta have mexican.
00:56:29anymedications?
00:56:31I don't know.
00:56:32Last immunization shots?
00:56:33Really?
00:56:36Honey, what's my blood pressuremedicine called?
00:56:37One time I took something and Iblew up like a puffer fish.
00:56:40I'm probably allergic to that.
00:56:43At Kaiser Permanente, yourmedical information is available to you and your doctors.
00:56:45Quickly. Securely.
00:56:48No guesswork required.
00:56:50Better information. Better care.
00:56:53KaiserPermanente. Thrive.
00:56:59yeeeowwww!
00:57:00Hot Mess Hot Mess Hot Mess ♪
00:57:04♪ Your'e a hot kind of love You set me on fire Yo icu sp me upy night Feed my every desire ♪
00:57:11Jack's one hit wonder is now a burger.
00:57:13The Hot Mess is loaded with spicy jalapenos, onion rings and gooey pepper jack cheese.
00:57:17♪ Your'e a-a Hot Mess ♪
00:57:20And that's how I met your mom.
00:57:23♪ Hot Mess ♪
00:58:03Captioning sponsored by WORLDWIDE PANTS and CBS Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org ♪ ♪
00:58:12♪ ♪
00:58:13(applause) >> Dave: Thank you very much.
00:58:15Now our next guest is a gifted singer and songwriter.
00:58:18His new album entitled "the beast in its tracks" please welcome back to the program josh ritter.
00:58:23Josh?
00:58:25Come on back.
00:58:25(Applause) ♪ I go to the parties throw my hands in the air ♪
00:58:32♪ I drink what they pour me the cups of who cares ♪
00:58:38♪ go up in the night sky up in the clouds ♪
00:58:44♪ fly over the houses I'm looking down ♪
00:58:49♪ joy to the streets and joy to you baby ♪
00:58:59♪ wherever you sleep ♪ tonight tonight ♪
00:59:04♪ tonight tonight ♪
00:59:08♪ tonight tonight ♪

Tags