National Lampoon's Vacation   View more episodes

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Aired at 10:00 AM on Wednesday, Jun 23, 2010 (6/23/2010)      View all transcripts from this day

Transcript

00:00:03♪♪ I found out long ago ♪♪
00:00:06♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:00:07♪♪ it's a long way downthe holiday road ♪♪
00:00:11♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:00:12♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:00:17♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:00:22♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:00:27♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:00:33♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:00:38♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:00:43♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:00:45[ dog barking ] ♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:00:59 I'm trading my wife's old car in.
00:01:03Ha ha ha ha, say goodbye to the old gas guzzler, russ.
00:01:07See you later.
00:01:07Ah, pretty exciting, isn't it, rusty?
00:01:10What's that, dad?
00:01:12Picking up the new car.
00:01:13Yeah, you can't wait, can you?
00:01:16Hi, there, ed.
00:01:17Good to see you, mr. griswold.
00:01:18How you doing? rueben, right?
00:01:20Rusty.
00:01:21Ahh. okay.
00:01:22Look at him. he can't wait.
00:01:23So, did you bring your trade-in?
00:01:24Yeah, guy just took it away a couple of seconds a.
00:01:27Well, let's get to it then.
00:01:28 we were kind of afraid the new one wouldn't come in yet, but we're on our way to california in the morning -- the big vacation, the whole family, walley world.
00:01:35Walley word. very exciting, clyde.
00:01:37Clark.
00:01:38Well, there she is.
00:01:40Where?
00:01:41Right here. the wagon.
00:01:43Dad, this is not the car you ordered.
00:01:46Take it easy, rusty.
00:01:47Ed, this is not the car I ordered.
00:01:49I distinctly ordered the antarctic blue super sports wagon with the cb and the optional rally fun pack.
00:01:56You didn't order the metallic pea?
00:01:59Metallic pea? no, antarctic blue.
00:02:02The sports wagon.
00:02:04This isn't even the right model.
00:02:06You know, I think you're right.
00:02:07I don't think this is the car.
00:02:09This is the new wagon queen family truckster.
00:02:11This is a -- this is a damn fine automobile.
00:02:13If you want my honest opinion, it beats the hell out of the sports wagon, but I want to make you happy, huh?
00:02:18Davenport!
00:02:19I'll get to the bottom of this.
00:02:21Yes, mr. ed?
00:02:22Mr. griswold ordered a blue sports wagon.
00:02:24Where is it?
00:02:26I don't know, sir.
00:02:29I know what must have happened.
00:02:33It didn't come in.
00:02:34Ed, I'm not your ordinary everyday fool, okay?
00:02:37Now, I'd like my antarctic blue super sports wagon right now, and if you can't get it for me, I'm going to take my business elsewhere.
00:02:47Where's my old car?
00:02:52I'm just as upset as you are, believe me.
00:02:55Davenport!
00:02:56 griswold's car back and bring it back here!
00:03:03[ Horn honks ] there's no problem there.
00:03:07The problem is it might take six weeks.
00:03:09 griswold, that if you're thinking of taking the tribe cross country, this is the automobile you should be using -- the wagon queen family truckster.
00:03:18You think you hate it now, but wait till you drive it.
00:03:22I don't want to drive it.
00:03:23I just want my old car back, okay?
00:03:25I'm not falling for this bit.
00:03:27No way. let's go, russ.
00:03:43[ Car rattling ] [ engine rattling ] clark, is that the right car?
00:04:03No, it isn't, honey.
00:04:04I, uh, I changed my mind.
00:04:05They flattened our old car like a pancake.
00:04:08Are you serious?
00:04:09Is this really our car, dad?
00:04:12What happened?
00:04:12I thought we were going to get the little sports thing.
00:04:14Oh, no, the sports wagon's much too small.
00:04:17Besides, I got a great deal on this one.
00:04:20Let me tell you, honey.
00:04:21We're taking the whole tribe across country.
00:04:24Believe me, this is your automobile.
00:04:26[ Rattling continues ] why is it still running?
00:04:29Oh, all new cars do that.
00:04:30I'll take care of that in a second.
00:04:32Ha ha ha ha.
00:04:35You may think you hate it now, honey, but wait till you drive it.
00:04:40Whoa! an air bag!
00:04:41You know, clark, it's not too late to fly out to california.
00:04:45We only have two weeks.
00:04:47Let's not get into that again, sweetie pie, please?
00:04:50Lots of families fly, clark, especially cross country.
00:04:53The whole idea of a family vacation is to spend time together as a family.
00:04:57You get on an airplane, you put on your earphones, and you're lost in your own world.
00:05:02It's an awfully long ride, clark.
00:05:04I'm looking forward to an awfully long ride.
00:05:07You get to see the kids all the time.
00:05:09I see them two minutes in the morning, two minutes in the evening, maybe three hours on the weekend.
00:05:14 you know, one of these days I'm going to get up and realize that my little babies are all grown up, and then what?
00:05:21I just thought it might be easier to fly.
00:05:25Nothing worthwhile is easy, ellen.
00:05:29We know that.
00:05:31..
00:05:31Who wants to see the triptik?
00:05:33The what? dad, we're playing.
00:05:35Okay, shut off the video games.
00:05:37Dad! come on, russ.
00:05:38Shut it off. I know you'll enjoy this.
00:05:40I've worked out the whole trip on the computer so we get the maximum amount of fun time at walley world without missing any of the good stuff along the way.
00:05:50 there's us, and there's walley world.
00:05:53Now let's just take a look at day one, shall we?
00:05:56Honey, come on in. we're gonna do day one.
00:06:02Okay, now there's the family truckster as we leave chicago.
00:06:07[ "Charge" plays ] rusty, please, do not eat the truckster.
00:06:15Russ, do you mind?
00:06:16I'm trying to work this out here on the old computer.
00:06:19Please, russ.
00:06:19Okay, look. thank you, audrey.
00:06:23That's just great.
00:06:25Look out, dad. here I come.
00:06:27All right, that's enough, russ.
00:06:28Okay, now I think we're moving toward the grand can-- thank you. good shot, audrey.
00:06:33Dad, I forgot. why aren't we flying?
00:06:35Why aren't we flying?
00:06:36Because getting there is half the fun.
00:06:38You know that.
00:06:41I turned off the water, the stove, the heat and the air, locked the door, notified the police, stopped the newspapers, I called to get the grass cut.
00:06:48Did I put the timers on the living room lights?
00:06:51Oh, and don't forget the mail.
00:06:55Bye. bye.
00:06:56Hurry up, honey.
00:06:57Bye.
00:06:58Drive careful now, clark.
00:07:00Bye.
00:07:02Watch those freeways.
00:07:04Goodbye.
00:07:05Oh, oh, I know I've forgotten something.
00:07:08Walley world, here we come.
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00:11:19Ellen: ♪♪ Mockingbird, tell me, everybody ♪♪
00:11:21 ♪♪
00:11:23♪♪ he's gonna buy me a mockingbird ♪♪
00:11:25Clark: ♪♪ He's gonna buy a mockingbird ♪♪
00:11:27♪♪ and if that mockingbird don't sing ♪♪
00:11:30♪♪ don't sing ♪♪
00:11:31♪♪ he's gonna buy me a diamond ring ♪♪
00:11:34♪♪ buy me a diamond ring ♪♪
00:11:35♪♪ and if that diamond ring don't shine ♪♪
00:11:38♪♪ don't shine ♪♪
00:11:39♪♪ it's gonna surely break this heart of mine ♪♪
00:11:42♪♪ this heart of mine ♪♪
00:11:43♪♪ and that's why ♪♪ ♪♪ yes, indeed ♪♪
00:11:45♪♪ I keep on singin' ♪♪
00:11:48♪♪ yeah, yeah ♪♪
00:11:49♪♪ whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪♪
00:11:50Clark: Come on, kids.
00:11:51We don't know any of your songs.
00:11:53Dad, is that made up? that sounds made up.
00:11:55Okay, I got one.
00:11:56How about the walley world national anthem?
00:12:00Huh?
00:12:01Okay, okay, you start.
00:12:03.. ♪♪
00:12:05 ♪♪
00:12:07♪♪ marty moose ♪♪
00:12:07♪♪ who is the star of our favorite show?
00:12:08♪♪
00:12:10♪♪ marty moose ♪♪
00:12:11♪♪ "m" is for merry ♪♪
00:12:13♪♪ we're merry, you see ♪♪
00:12:15♪♪ "o" is for oh, gosh ♪♪
00:12:16♪♪ oh, golly, oh, gee ♪♪
00:12:18♪♪ "s" is for super fun family glee ♪♪
00:12:21♪♪ "e" is for everything you want to be ♪♪
00:12:26♪♪ m-a-r-t-y ♪♪
00:12:30♪♪ m-o-o-s-e ♪♪
00:12:33what's that spell?
00:12:34♪♪ Marty moose, marty moose, marty moose ♪♪
00:12:37ee-yuck! that's me.
00:12:40Ha ha ha ha!
00:12:41All right, that's more like it.
00:12:44Hey, here's one you don't know.
00:12:45We used to sing this one when you were little kids.
00:12:46You're going to like this.
00:12:47♪♪ Oh, jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care ♪♪
00:12:50♪♪ jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care ♪♪
00:12:53♪♪hey, ho, let's go♪♪
00:12:56♪♪hey, ho, let's go♪♪
00:12:57♪♪they're forming in a straight line♪♪
00:13:00♪♪they're going through a tight wind♪♪
00:13:03♪♪the kids are losing their minds♪♪
00:13:05♪♪the blitzkrieg bop♪♪
00:13:08♪♪they're piling in the back seat♪♪
00:14:02clark?
00:14:03Isn't this the gas tank?
00:14:05Yes, I know, honey.
00:14:06 I'm just fixing the, uh, the license plate here.
00:14:15Clark: Hey, hey, see that, kids?
00:14:17 louis arch -- the gateway to the west.
00:14:20It's over 600 feet tall, and there's an elevator all the way to the top.
00:14:24That's 60 stories to you and me.
00:14:26Rusty: Wow, dad, can we go up on it?
00:14:28No.
00:14:29Dad, what river is this?
00:14:31Ah, that's the mississippi.
00:14:32The mighty mississip. ha ha ha ha.
00:14:35The ol' miss.
00:14:37The ol' man.
00:14:39♪♪ Deep river ♪♪
00:14:42♪♪ my home is over jordan ♪♪
00:14:47clark, I think this is the wrong exit.
00:14:50 as long as we get across the river.
00:15:01[ Siren wailing in the distance ] clark, what are you doing?
00:15:05Just relax, ellen.
00:15:06This is so dangerous.
00:15:07We have no business being in an area like this.
00:15:11Well, look at it this way, honey, this is a part of america we never get to see.
00:15:15That's good.
00:15:15 I mean, we can't close our eyes to the plight of the cities.
00:15:20Kids, you noticing all this plight?
00:15:22This will just, uh, make us appreciate what we have.
00:15:25[ Gunshot ] roll 'em up.
00:15:34Man: Hey, darnell, check out this truckster.
00:15:37Darnell: It's a truckster!
00:15:39Hey, hey. with a luggage rack.
00:15:43Hey, uh, excuse me, homes?
00:15:45[ Chuckles ] what it is, bro?
00:15:48We're from out of town.
00:15:51Uh-huh.
00:15:51Yeah, listen, I'd really appreciate it if you could, uh, give me directions back onto the expressway.
00:15:56What, for free?
00:15:58Sure.
00:16:00$5.
00:16:01I'm not gonna give you $5 for directions.
00:16:03I think that's fair, clark.
00:16:07Okay, here's $10.
00:16:09Thank you.
00:16:13Keep the change.
00:16:14Okay, now, uh, you see -- you see which way you're pointing, right?
00:16:17Yeah, okay, that's good 'cause you see that place?
00:16:20Yeah. uh-huh.
00:16:21You see where it say "rib tips"?
00:16:24Rib tips. yeah. mm-hmm.
00:16:25Yeah, well, forget that. don't go that way.
00:16:26I wonder if these guys know the commodores.
00:16:28You're gonna go all the way down about half a block and you'll see a torino with no wheels on it.
00:16:34Now, inside that torino is my cousin jackie.
00:16:37Now, you tell him you my boy and that you lost, and he'll make sure you get to where you going 'cause you don't want to know from me, man.
00:16:43This ain't even my neighborhood.
00:16:44I'm from the west side of chicago, here on vacation.
00:16:47Clark: you've been a great help.
00:16:55The damn wheel's all screwed up.
00:16:57 you get weird when you get tired.
00:16:59 I don't want you dozing off.
00:17:03I'm not tired. are you kidding?
00:17:05I could go another 100 miles. come on.
00:17:09No problem.
00:17:13♪♪ I stay at home at night ♪♪
00:17:16♪♪ I stay at home ♪♪
00:17:18♪♪ right by the phone at night ♪♪
00:17:21♪♪ right by the phone ♪♪
00:17:23♪♪ but you won't call ♪♪
00:17:25♪♪ and I won't hurt my pride ♪♪
00:17:30♪♪ call me mister ♪♪
00:17:33♪♪ I won't tell you ♪♪
00:17:36♪♪ wa, ooh, wa, ooh ♪♪
00:17:38[ snoring ] whoa! whoa!
00:17:52[ Horn honks ] [ snoring ] [ horn honking ] sparky.
00:18:05Why don't you turn off the tv and come to bed?
00:18:09Okay, honey.
00:18:14Aah!
00:18:16[ Tires squealing ] well, up and at 'em.
00:18:32We're here.
00:20:35ringtones website wonderful.
00:20:36People love 'em!
00:20:38Gecko: yeah, thank you sir. turned out nice.
00:20:39Boss: got another one for you.
00:20:40com, it's easy to get a free rate quote, manage your policy, make payments or even file a claim!
00:20:45Boss: now that's a ringtone.
00:20:48..it's interesting....
00:20:50Certainly not the worst ringtone I've ever ..
00:20:53 a-ringedy- ding-ding-dingy-dong, .. ♪
00:20:55 yeah, that might be the worst.
00:20:59 15 minutescould save you 15% or more on car insurance.
00:21:21You know, clark, I think it would be a good idea if you called catherine and eddie and told them that we won't be in till tomorrow afternoon.
00:21:28Afternoon?
00:21:29, it'll throw the schedule completely off, honey.
00:21:32I planned everything very carefully, so we'd be at walley world first thing saturday morning.
00:21:38Sparky, I know how much this trip means to you and that you want all of us to have a great time, but it's a long way to walley world, and I think it would be easier on all of us if you'd just try to relax.
00:21:54I'm way ahead of you, honey.
00:22:03Oh.
00:22:05When did you get these?
00:22:06Oh, I have my little secrets -- little secrets.
00:22:12What a nice thought.
00:22:20Don't drink yet.
00:22:28Ready for this?
00:22:30..
00:22:31[ Bed whirring ] ..
00:22:37I'd like to propose a toast, if I may?
00:22:41Here's to a very restful vacation.
00:22:46Here's to a very relaxing vacation.
00:22:49A renewed love affair.
00:22:53..
00:22:54A time of joy with our babies.
00:22:59You know, honey, I never told you this.
00:23:02..
00:23:04I think there's something wrong here.
00:23:06It's the bed. it'll slow up in a second.
00:23:09I got it. hold on to this.
00:23:11Enjoy it.
00:23:13Clark, what are you -- let's try this, my darling.
00:23:19Now we're talking.
00:23:20We haven't done this for a long time.
00:23:24Mm.
00:23:26[ Giggles ] Ellen: Oh, clark.
00:23:28What's that noise?
00:23:30What's going on?
00:23:31Hey. don't you kids knock anymore?
00:23:35Sorry. we thought you were fighting or something.
00:23:38Nobody's fighting in here.
00:23:40[ Turns off bed ] it's very late.
00:23:44Where's mom?
00:23:45I'm under here, kids. go back to bed.
00:23:49..
00:23:51The bed was very soft.
00:23:53Weirdo-rama.
00:23:55Really.
00:23:57Clark: Kids, this is the very street wyatt earp used to keep law and order on.
00:24:02Ellen: It seems kind of dirty and touristy.
00:24:05Oh, ellen, the old west was dirty.
00:24:07Everything isn't like home.
00:24:09If everything were like home, there'd be no reason for leaving home, right, rusty?
00:24:12Oh, yeah, dad, this is great.
00:24:13You know, I'm glad we didn't go to hawaii.
00:24:16I'll bet you are.
00:24:21Okay. kids?
00:24:23Let's go get a drink. what do you say?
00:24:26Here you go, champ.
00:24:27Ha ha ha ha.
00:24:34Howdy, city slickers.
00:24:35Welcome to the long branch.
00:24:36No fighting, no cussing, no gunslinging.
00:24:38Watch what you say to our bartender.
00:24:41He's an ornery cuss.
00:24:42Thank you, sheriff.
00:24:44Uh, marshal.
00:24:45Oh, sorry.
00:24:46It's no sweat.
00:24:48Gimme five, partner.
00:24:52That guy was a crummy wyatt earp.
00:24:55He's wearing jogging shoes.
00:24:56Oh, they used to, rusty.
00:24:57Hey, knucklehead, set us up with four redeyes, will you?
00:25:02Hey, yellowbelly, I'm talking to you.
00:25:08 move your chicken wings, turkey.
00:25:17Clark, that's not nice.
00:25:19It's all part of the act, hon.
00:25:22 hey, yellowbel-- clark!
00:25:28I'm okay, I'm okay!
00:25:30I'm all right. ha ha ha ha.
00:25:33I don't think that's very funny.
00:25:34A noise like that could impair the kids' hearing.
00:25:37Aw, come on.
00:25:39It was real. it looked real, didn't it?
00:25:41Oh, hell, I thought it was a real gun.
00:25:42Didn't it look real when I fell down, hon?
00:25:45What?
00:25:46Didn't that look real, sweetie? what?
00:25:48Are you happy now, clark?
00:25:50She's deaf.
00:25:50Oh, what's the difference? it was fun, anyway.
00:25:53Let's have a drink. what do you say?
00:25:55Pardon me, sir?
00:25:58Catherine said we just stay on 50.
00:26:00Well, I was thinking about shooting over to 54 and zipping down to liberal.
00:26:05What for? the house of mud.
00:26:07What's the house of mud?
00:26:08It's only the largest freestanding mud dwelling ever built, that's all.
00:26:12You see, kids, the pioneers didn't have bricks, so they used mud.
00:26:15They didn't use mud. they used sod, dad.
00:26:18Right, audrey.
00:26:18And when they ran out of sod, they used mud.
00:26:21Clark, let's just skip the house of mud.
00:26:24I think dodge city was enough for one day.
00:26:27Besides, catherine and eddie are expecting us.
00:26:31It's living history, ellen, but if you'd rather see your cousins, it's okay by me.
00:26:36Personally, I'd rather see a pile of mud than eddie.
00:26:40Knock it off!
00:26:41What's going on?
00:26:42Rusty's licking his hand and touching me with it.
00:26:44Clark, tell rusty to behave himself.
00:26:47Rusty, behave yourself.
00:26:48Yeah, but audrey's eating peanut butter cups, and smiling when it's stuck all over her teeth.
00:26:52Audrey, eat with your mouth closed.
00:26:54No eating in the car, kids.
00:26:57You stink.
00:26:58Retard.
00:26:58I'm trying to concentrate on the road.
00:27:09♪♪ I'm so excited ♪♪
00:27:12♪♪ I just can't hide it ♪♪
00:27:15Ellen: Stop it, both of you.
00:27:16♪♪ I'm about to lose control, and I think I like it ♪♪
00:27:19♪♪ I'm so excited ♪♪
00:27:21♪♪ and I just can't hide it ♪♪
00:27:24[ rusty and audrey arguing ] ♪♪ I know, I know, I know I want you ♪♪
00:27:28I don't care who started it.
00:27:30I don't want to hear a word out of either one of you.
00:27:35♪♪ Sweet memories will last a long, long time ♪♪
00:27:40♪♪ we'll have a good time, baby ♪♪
00:27:42clark, you're doing 80 miles an hour.
00:27:44Doesn't seem like it, does it, honey?
00:27:46Slow down!
00:27:48I don't know why. we're making good time.
00:27:54♪♪ Love for sale ♪♪
00:27:57♪♪ appetizing yummy love for sale ♪♪
00:32:44they're here!
00:32:46Oh, they're here! eddie, come on!
00:32:49I can't believe it.
00:32:50I never thought we'd get here.
00:32:53You look great!
00:32:54Eddie, get down here. oh, my gosh.
00:32:58Ellen, how are ya?
00:33:00Good to see you.
00:33:01Rusty and audrey, come and meet your second cousins.
00:33:05Look how they've grown.
00:33:06And you have lost weight, catherine.
00:33:07 added a few more mouths to the litter.
00:33:11 uh, rusty and audrey, cousins vicki and dale.
00:33:17Hi.
00:33:17, and this is junior, and this little moppet at my skirt is daisy mabel.
00:33:23Well, how old are you, little one?
00:33:25Oh, she was born without a tongue, clark.
00:33:28But don't you worry about her, she whistles like a bird and eats like a horse.
00:33:33Kids, why don't you take the little guests out back and show them your worm farm, huh?
00:33:38Go on. scoot.
00:33:39Ellen, come on in the house.
00:33:42I got so much to tell you.
00:33:44Yeah. whoo, boy! look at that car.
00:33:48Yeah.
00:33:49That's the family truckster.
00:33:51Boy, she's a beaut.
00:33:53I like those green walls.
00:33:54Oh, we had a little trouble in st. louis.
00:33:57..fit.
00:34:04This is the old homestead, huh?
00:34:06[ Rooster crows ] yeah.
00:34:09I don't know for how long, though.
00:34:12Bank's been after me like flies on a rib roast.
00:34:15Yeah, I know the feeling.
00:34:18Ah, hell with it.
00:34:24Yeah, I'll bet you could use a cool one, huh?
00:34:27Now you're talking.
00:34:38I'm going steady.
00:34:39And I french kiss.
00:34:41So? everybody does that.
00:34:43Yeah, but my science teacher says I'm the best at it.
00:34:50Want a worm?
00:34:52No, thanks.
00:34:53Hey, you got pac-man?
00:34:56No.
00:34:58You got space invaders?
00:35:01Nope.
00:35:03You got asteroids?
00:35:04Naw, but my dad does.
00:35:05Can't even sit on the toilet some days.
00:35:11So, what do you do here, dale?
00:35:14Well, I got a stack of nudie books this high.
00:35:18I guess we're 11, aren't we?
00:35:21Uh, no, we're 12 with aunt edna.
00:35:24Aunt edna?
00:35:25She's still alive?
00:35:27Oh, you bet.
00:35:27I can't wait to see the look on clark's face when he hears that.
00:35:31Oh, well, she came to help out when eddie ruptured his spleen, and she's been with us ever since.
00:35:36She wanted to go back to phoenix a year ago, but eddie wouldn't let her.
00:35:41Well, frankly, without her social security, we'd never be able to live like this.
00:35:48Gee, cath, looks like you've really got your hands full.
00:35:52Oh, it's not so bad.
00:35:54Eddie says after the baby comes, I can't quit one of my night jobs.
00:36:03How do you like yours, clark?
00:36:05Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.
00:36:08No, your bun. light or dark?
00:36:10Oh, uh, either way. it doesn't matter.
00:36:13Vicki, can I help you with that kool-aid?
00:36:16Please?
00:36:18Mmm, mmm, mmm.
00:36:19I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper.
00:36:22It does just fine by itself, huh?
00:36:24Uh, I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, clark?
00:36:28You're the gourmet around here, ed.
00:36:36No meat in this?
00:36:36You get plenty of meat at home.
00:36:38Be polite. have some ketchup.
00:36:45Real tomato ketchup, eddie?
00:36:47Oh, nothing but the best.
00:36:49Ha ha ha ha. aunt edna!
00:36:51Helper's getting cold!
00:36:55Is that your aunt edna?
00:37:06Aunt edna.
00:37:06After all these years, you're looking so good.
00:37:14Oh, hi, edna. nice to see you again.
00:37:16You remember clark, don't you?
00:37:21You were the ones that sent me the fruitcake for christmas.
00:37:25It made me so sick.
00:37:28Oh, I'm sorry.
00:37:29We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.
00:37:31You enjoy throwing up every five minutes, clod?
00:37:34Clark.
00:37:35I thought so.
00:37:37 well, am I going to eat, or am I going to starve to death?
00:37:45Catherine, did you tell clark and ellen the good news?
00:37:49Uh, no, I was just about to.
00:37:51Catherine, what's the good news?
00:37:54You're driving me to phoenix!
00:38:01Yep.
00:38:04I'm real glad that things are going good for you, clark.
00:38:11Mm-hmm.
00:38:12Now, I got, uh, laid off when they closed that asbestos factory.
00:38:17And now, wouldn't you know it, the army cuts my disability pension 'cause they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.
00:38:28Uh, eddie, clark and ellen don't want to hear about our troubles.
00:38:33No, no, it's very interesting.
00:38:34Why don't you just ask him for the money, eddie?
00:38:37He sure as hell can't take a hint.
00:38:39Well, I didn't want to ask you, clark, you know, but could you maybe spare a little, you know, extra cash?
00:38:48Sure, eddie.
00:38:54How much do you need?
00:38:56About $52,000.
00:39:01Goodbye, baby.
00:39:03Now, you'll send those checks?
00:39:06All taken care of.
00:39:07Okay, let's go. come on, edna.
00:39:10Lay off, lay off.
00:39:12Well, got to be going.
00:39:14What's this?
00:39:15This is for you, clark.
00:39:17Oh, what is it?
00:39:18A gift.
00:39:19Oh, you didn't have to buy me a gift, eddie.
00:39:22Oh, go on, open it.
00:39:24All right.
00:39:25What the hey.
00:39:26..eddie, you shouldn't have.
00:39:28You really shouldn't have.
00:39:30Rusty: Oh, those are great, dad.
00:39:32Quiet down, russ.
00:39:34Eddie: Try 'em on.
00:39:35No, no, I don't want to get them dirty.
00:39:36I told you he wouldn't like 'em, eddie!
00:39:38I love 'em, eddie.
00:39:40I knew you did, because the last time I saw you, clark, you remarked about how much you liked mine.
00:39:45Well, I guess we'd better be going now.
00:39:48Bye-bye.
00:39:50Bye, ed. bye, ellen.
00:39:51Bye, clark.
00:39:52It was great having you here.
00:39:54Here he is, uncle clark.
00:39:55All walked and everything.
00:39:57What is this -- a dog?
00:39:58He's aunt edna's. his name is dinky.
00:40:01" oh, well, hi, how are you, little fella?
00:40:07Easy.
00:40:07Uh, yeah, you folks didn't get to meet dinky last night.
00:40:11He had the runs so he slept in the barn.
00:40:15Uh, well, great.
00:40:15Well, better make some space for him in the back.
00:40:18Come on. ow! ow! no, no, sit, sit!
00:40:21Roll over, come on, heel!
00:40:22Bye-bye, kids! bye, edna!
00:40:25Bye-bye!
00:40:26♪♪ I found out long ago ♪♪
00:40:29♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:40:31♪♪ it's a long way down holiday road ♪♪
00:41:51things that might surprise you.
00:41:52Like discovering thatCanada Dry Ginger Ale is made from real ginger.
00:41:57♪♪♪♪♪♪
00:41:59It's a nice surprise.
00:42:01Canada Dry Ginger Ale.
00:42:02Real ginger, real taste.
00:43:32>@@ thank you.
00:44:53Audrey.
00:44:54Oh, rusty, stop playing with the dog and come and have some lunch.
00:44:58[ Snarling ] oh, clark, look. your favorite.
00:45:06Baloney and cheese.
00:45:10And what shall I have?
00:45:13..
00:45:28♪♪ I ♪♪
00:45:29♪♪ had some lonely nights ♪♪
00:45:32♪♪ I'll admit I've cried some ♪♪
00:45:36♪♪ since you were out of my life ♪♪
00:45:39 ♪♪
00:45:43♪♪ and you came back again ♪♪
00:45:46♪♪ I feel so inspired kissing your lips ♪♪
00:45:50♪♪ fire ♪♪
00:45:51♪♪ little boy sweet, little boy sweet ♪♪
00:45:54♪♪ sweet little boy of mine ♪♪
00:45:57♪♪ boy of mine ♪♪
00:45:58♪♪ I'm a little closer ♪♪
00:46:00♪♪ I want to show you ♪♪
00:46:03♪♪ what's on my mind ♪♪
00:46:04♪♪ here in the night, here in the night ♪♪
00:46:08♪♪ here in the night together ♪♪
00:46:11♪♪ night together ♪♪
00:46:13♪♪ I want to show you ♪♪
00:46:15♪♪ love so warm and tender ♪♪
00:46:19mom, my sandwich is all wet.
00:46:21They're all wet.
00:46:23Oh, god, the dog wet on the picnic basket.
00:46:41♪♪ Jack be nimble, jack be quick ♪♪
00:46:44♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:46:46♪♪ take a ride on a west coast kick ♪♪
00:46:49♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:46:51♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:46:52♪♪
00:46:53♪♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:46:56♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:46:57♪♪
00:46:57♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:47:01♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:47:02♪♪
00:47:02♪♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:47:05♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:47:07♪♪
00:47:07♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:47:16russ, look.
00:47:17Oh, excellent, they have a pool.
00:47:20Aren't the woods beautiful?
00:47:23Clark! dinkums needs a long walk and a bath.
00:47:27Rusty, take care of dinkums.
00:47:30Dad, he bites.
00:47:31Bite him back.
00:47:43[ Rings bell ] we'd like three tents for the night, please.
00:47:51All right, that'll be $37.
00:47:53$37 For three tents?
00:47:54Oh, they're very nice tents.
00:47:56And that price includes scenery and wildlife fun.
00:48:02Oh, come on, clark, it seems like a nice place.
00:48:05It's got a pool and everything.
00:48:07All right.
00:48:11Mm-hmm.
00:48:17Clark w. griswold.
00:48:18You want my street?
00:48:19Please.
00:48:20What do you need my address for?
00:48:22We like to send out a mailer.
00:48:30Too cheap to pay for a hotel room, huh?
00:48:35Ew, clark, this tent smells.
00:48:38[ Sniffs ] EDNA, THIS IS YOUR TENT.
00:48:41[ Flies buzzing ] [ coughs ] spar-- sparky, this isn't very romantic.
00:48:58Mm, isn't it?
00:48:59You know, I don't think there's enough room for two in this sleeping bag.
00:49:03Oh, honey, right now we're one.
00:49:06One heart beating for two.
00:49:09Oh, sparky.
00:49:10[ Dinky growling ] [ coughs ] [ Gasping ] SPARKY.
00:49:15Sparky, wild animal.
00:49:17Yeah, I know.
00:49:18No, wild animal.
00:49:19I'm gonna go for it, honey.
00:49:21No.
00:49:23[ Bites ] ow! get off!
00:49:26Down! no! bad dog!
00:49:27I'm sorry, honey. it's dinky.
00:49:29Ow! you smelly mutt!
00:49:32[ Growling ] I'll kill that dog.
00:49:36Oh. sorry.
00:49:39[ Grunts ] ahh.
00:49:44Ahh.
00:49:45..what do you say, honey?
00:49:48In spite of all the little problems, it really is fun, isn't it?
00:49:52No.
00:49:53But with every new day, there's fresh hope.
00:49:58Hey, kids, let's go!
00:50:00We're losing daylight here.
00:50:03Hey. did you walk him?
00:50:04 he took a big one right on aunt edna's blanket.
00:50:07 [ barks ] [ edna yells ] oh, boy, better take care of aunt edna.
00:50:12I'll take the leash.
00:50:14Uh-oh, uh-oh.
00:50:17Roll over. ow!
00:50:20Dinky.
00:50:21Ow! you're tearing my flesh!
00:50:24Good morning, edna. ah! no, dinky!
00:50:26Sit, roll over.
00:50:28Ow, ow, ow! dinky!
00:50:31Hey, hey, hey, easy, kids.
00:50:32Come on, cut it out. everybody in the car.
00:50:35The boat leaves in two minutes.
00:50:37Or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away.
00:50:44Ha ha ha ha.
00:50:49Sweetie, do you hear that rattle?
00:50:51Mm-hmm. where is it coming from?
00:50:53Beats the heck out of me.
00:50:54I've been looking for it ever since we left.
00:50:57It's driving me crazy.
00:50:58God, dad, check it out, behind you.
00:51:01Oh, shoot. now what have we done?
00:51:04[ Siren wailing ] will you hold my purse?
00:51:07Huh?
00:51:08Just hold my purse.
00:51:28Hello, officer. what's the problem?
00:51:33Get out of the car.
00:51:40I don't think I was speeding.
00:51:41Was I weaving or something?
00:51:43Shut your mouth, sir.
00:51:45You know, if I wasn't in uniform, I'd split your skull with the butt of this revolver " well, officer, whatever it is I've done, I'm sure I can explain.
00:52:00Explain this, you sadistic bum.
00:52:03Oh, my god.
00:52:04Do you know what the penalty for animal cruelty is in this state?
00:52:10No, sir, I don't.
00:52:12..
00:52:13It's probably pretty stiff.
00:52:16Oh, you can't think I'd do this on purpose, sir.
00:52:19Look, i-i tied him to the rear bumper when I was packing the car.
00:52:23It was very confusing. I must have forgot.
00:52:23I -- I'm very sorry. I feel terrible.
00:52:30How do you think that little dog feels?
00:52:37Look, I told you I was sorry.
00:52:38It really was an accident.
00:52:43Yeah.
00:52:43Well, I guess I can buy that, sir, but it is a shame.
00:52:47I had a pooch like this one when I was a kid.
00:52:53Poor little guy.
00:52:54Probably kept up with you for a mile or so.
00:52:58Tough little mutt.
00:53:00Tough.
00:53:01Yep.
00:53:02Yeah.
00:53:09Edna: I was afraid you'd get pulled over, clark.
00:53:12You've been exceeding the speed limit for thousands of miles.
00:53:16Dad wasn't speeding.
00:53:17The cop stopped us because dad forgot to -- he was speeding, rusty.
00:53:20No, he wasn't, mom.
00:53:21Russ, listen to your mother. I was speeding.
00:53:24I was driving like a maniac.
00:53:25We can all be grateful to this man for stopping us.
00:53:28You see, kids, a car -- here's the leash, sir.
00:53:30I'm going back to get the rest of the carcass off the road.
00:53:33Thank you, officer. have a nice day.
00:56:16[ Snoring ] ♪♪ I'm so excited ♪♪
00:56:23♪♪ and I just can't hide it ♪♪
00:56:25♪♪ no, no ♪♪
00:56:26♪♪ I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I want you ♪♪
00:56:30♪♪ I want you ♪♪
00:56:32♪♪ ooh ♪♪
00:56:49♪♪ ooh, boy, I want to love you ♪♪
00:56:53♪♪ feel you, wrap myself around you ♪♪
00:56:56♪♪ I want to squeeze you ♪♪
00:56:58♪♪ please you ♪♪
00:56:59♪♪ I just can't get enough ♪♪
00:57:00♪♪ and if you move real slow ♪♪
00:57:03[ truck horn honking ] what happened?
00:57:22What happened to your hair?
00:57:25You're sweating. are you blushing?
00:57:28Don't be silly.
00:57:30Are you all right, clark?
00:57:31Hell, yes, I'm fine. I'm having a ball.
00:57:38Ah.
00:57:40Come on, honey, look at the mountains. breathe the air.
00:57:44[ Inhales deeply ] put on a happy face for me.
00:57:51..
00:57:52I guess there's not much more that could happen to us.
00:57:56Yeah, I think the worst is behind us.
00:58:06Clark, I need my vanity case.
00:58:09We've got to go back and look for it.
00:58:11All my credit cards are in it.
00:58:13Honey, number one, I've already called the bank and told them you lost them.
00:58:16"B," there's no way we're going to find it when we don't even know where it fell off.
00:58:20And three, I've got my credit cards, and we've still got plenty of cash, okay?
00:58:24No, we don't.
00:58:25You gave $500 to eddie, and everything on this safari has cost twice as much as you figured out.
00:58:30Honey, there's nothing in that luggage that can't be replaced except for your birth control pills.
00:58:34Besides, we can always cash a check down the road.
00:58:38Don't you trust me?
00:58:39As long as you don't tie me to the rear bumper.
00:58:46That hurt, ellen.
00:58:47Clark, I think we're lost.
00:58:50We're not lost.
00:58:51Ellen, will you please let me do the driving?
00:58:54I honestly don't think you're going to find the grand canyon on this road.
00:58:57Ellen, it's only the biggest damn hole in the world.
00:59:00Edna: Clark, watch your language!
00:59:03Make that the second biggest.
00:59:04Dad, I haven't seen a car for an hour.
00:59:07Oh, shut up, audrey.
00:59:08You don't think dad knows where he's going?
00:59:10Thank you, russ.
00:59:11You're lost.
00:59:14Ma, I saw some detour signs.
00:59:16I didn't see any.
00:59:17I saw them when you and mom were trying to fold the map.
00:59:20Audrey, when they close a road, they put up big signs like this one.
00:59:24[ All scream ] [ tires pop ] [ moaning ] I think I broke my nose.
00:59:47I stabbed my brain.
00:59:48I have to go to the bathroom.
00:59:50I better check under the hood.
01:00:04Audrey, gather up all the clothes and put them in a pile.
01:00:08Rusty, find the first aid kit, then get the suitcases and bring them here.
01:00:10Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?
01:00:13Find a bush, audrey.
01:00:17Gee, dad, you must have jumped this thing about 50 yards.
01:00:20Ah, that's nothing to be proud of, rusty.
01:00:2450 Yards.
01:00:26Ellen, ellen, get me out of here!
01:00:29Stay in the car.
01:00:30It's hot and dangerous out here.
01:00:32 I'll do what I want.
01:00:35I should never have come on this trip with you.
01:00:38I should have taken an airplane, and he -- he shouldn't even have a license to drive an automobile.
01:00:44He should be behind bars.
01:00:47Sit down and shut up.
01:00:56Move out of that seat, and I'll split your lip.
01:01:07Rusty, come on up here.
01:01:09Hello, russ.
01:01:10I'm going to have to hike down the road a bit I want you to stay here and take care of things, russ.
01:01:16Um, you'll be okay, dad?
01:01:18Oh, sure, sure, sure.
01:01:21You know, I haven't had much of a chance to talk to you man-to-man, russ.
01:01:25Well, I've only been a man a few days, dad.
01:01:27Yeah.
01:01:29You're growing up so damn fast.
01:01:32I spent the last 15 years of my life developing newer and better food additives.
01:01:38I guess I've missed an awful lot.
01:01:41At first, I didn't want to take this vacation, but now I'm glad I did.
01:01:46It's given me a chance to spend a lot more time ..
01:01:52Audrey.
01:01:53Audrey, yeah.
01:01:54[ Sighs ] you know, it's been real fun for me, too, dad. really.
01:01:59Well, except for aunt edna.
01:02:00Oh, she doesn't mean to be a pain in the rump.
01:02:03It's just the way she is.
01:02:04Let's not let it spoil our fun, huh?
01:02:07I won't.
01:02:08You know, maybe she'd be a nicer person if she had a family of her own.
01:02:12You know, instead of always having to glom on to someone else's.
01:02:16You're a pretty bright little guy -- excuse me -- man.
01:02:24[ Sobs ] it's okay, dad.
01:02:28You know what I want to do?
01:02:33When I was your age, my dad shared a beer with me, and I thought it was about the best thing in the world.
01:02:48Yeah, when I was a boy, just about every summer, we'd take a vacation.
01:02:54And, you know, in 18 years, we never had fun.
01:02:58But now I have my own family.
01:03:00And, well, we're on our own vacation.
01:03:03And you know something, russ?
01:03:05What, dad?
01:03:06We're going to have fun.
01:03:09[ Burps ] we're going to have fun.
01:03:15[ Stifled burp ] hey, don't let your mother smell that beer on your breath.
01:03:19She'll take it out on me.
01:03:22Well, I better get a move on if I want to get us out of here by dark.
01:03:26Right.
01:03:29Good talk, son.
01:03:30Good talk, dad.
01:03:32Clark?
01:03:38I just had a good talk with rusty.
01:03:40You'll be in good hands here, honey.
01:03:44Where are you going?
01:03:45Well, there's got to be a phone or a gas station around here somewhere, honey.
01:03:50Well, all right, ..
01:03:52I'll be fine. you'll be fine.
01:03:53I'm sure this sort of thing happens all the time.
01:03:56A patrol car will be by any minute.
01:03:59♪♪ Over the river and through the woods ♪♪
01:04:00♪♪ to grandmother's house we go -- ho ♪♪
01:06:39♪♪
01:06:40♪♪ the trampling of feet, I love every beat ♪♪
01:06:43♪♪ I hear of a drum ♪♪
01:06:46♪♪ I love a parade ♪♪
01:06:48♪♪ I hear a band, I just want to stand ♪♪
01:06:50♪♪ and cheer as they come ♪♪
01:06:57we pass a damn gas station every 100 yards for 1,000 miles, but when you really need one -- this is no way to run a desert!
01:07:05Oh, jeez, I'm going to die! that's it!
01:07:09What an idiot.
01:07:16Taxi! taxi! taxi!
01:07:18I'm dead. I'm dead.
01:07:21Taxi.
01:07:22Here, boy.
01:07:23The heat. I'm dying. I'm dead. I'm finished.
01:07:28Oh, hot, hot.
01:07:30[ Groaning ] mommy?
01:07:39Hello. hi! hi! how are you?
01:07:41Hello! hello! hey!
01:07:45Ellen: I'm not sure of his exact height and weight.
01:07:47All I know is the man was a saint with children and a genius with food additives, and he was -- clark!
01:07:54Aah!
01:07:55Aah!
01:07:56I'm so happy!
01:07:58Russ! russ! russ!
01:08:01Audrey! audrey!
01:08:04God, have you grown?
01:08:06Are you all right, clark?
01:08:07I feel fine. what happened to you?
01:08:09Where did -- how'd you get here?
01:08:10Well, these two nice indians and a man on a camel called us a tow truck. daddy's back.
01:08:15A camel?
01:08:17Hey, kids, are you thirsty?
01:08:19Yeah. I bet you are, too.
01:08:20You said it.
01:08:22[ Horn honks ] okay.
01:08:41What do I owe you?
01:08:42Never heard of no one so stupid as you driving off that road.
01:08:47You must have got manure for your brains.
01:08:50..
01:08:53What's the bill?
01:08:54[ Chuckles ] "WHAT'S THE BILL?" Come on, come on, come on. how much?
01:09:00How much you got?
01:09:01No, no, I'm asking how much the repairs are.
01:09:03And I'm asking you how much you got.
01:09:08You're out of your mind.
01:09:09Look, I don't have time to play around, okay?
01:09:12So how much is it?
01:09:13All of it, boy.
01:09:16What does your sheriff think of your business practices?
01:09:19[ Both laughing ] audrey, honey, how much babysitting money do you have?
01:09:44How come?
01:09:45How much?
01:09:46What's the matter? oh, nothing.
01:09:47I just spent $500 on four bald tires and a tow.
01:09:51How much do you have, audrey?
01:09:53$35.
01:09:55She has $40, dad.
01:09:57How would you know unless you went in my purse, you rotten sneak?
01:09:59Rusty, have you been going through her private property?
01:10:02I don't care who went through what.
01:10:05We need money.
01:10:07Edna, how much money do you have?
01:10:09She's asleep, clark.
01:10:11Russ, want to look through edna's purse?
01:10:14Clark.
01:10:21Unzip it, russ.
01:10:26She has 11 cents, dad.
01:10:28Terrific.
01:10:29The motel will cash your check.
01:10:30Well, they better, or we're going to run out of gas.
01:10:37I'm sorry, sir.
01:10:39I can't accept this credit card.
01:10:42Why not?
01:10:42The computer says it's been reported lost.
01:10:45Oh, no, no, no.
01:10:46You see, my wife lost her cards in colorado, and I had to report it, and the computer's probably saying that i lost mine, which, obviously, I haven't.
01:10:53Well, you'll have to straighten that out with your bank.
01:10:55Would you take a personal check?
01:10:57For how much?
01:10:59$300.
01:11:00I can't do that, sir.
01:11:01Look, I've lost all my cash, ..
01:11:04Walley world?
01:11:05Yeah. walley world.
01:11:06And I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place, you know? I'd really appreciate it.
01:11:11Not without a major credit card.
01:11:1413 to my name, so I can see we're going to have to work something out here between us.
01:11:22Look, I've already told you, I can't accept a check without a major credit card.
01:11:25I'm making this out for $1,000.
01:11:27All you have to do is give me $300 in cash and keep $700, all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep.
01:11:36The only thing I can do is have you stay here until the check clears -- 10 working days.
01:11:43[ Telephone rings ] okay, let's go. come on.
01:12:11Where's edna? she's in the car.
01:12:13 come on, kids, get your butts in the car. go.
01:12:15Don't you want to look at the grand canyon?
01:12:20Great. let's go.
01:12:31Rusty, up and at 'em.
01:12:34What?
01:12:35Crack open those sandwiches I got at the gas station.
01:12:37I'm so hungry I could eat a sandwich from a gas station.
01:12:41[ Laughs ] there's one for everyone.
01:12:44Oh, audrey, wake up aunt edna.
01:12:46It's time for her to eat and take her pill.
01:12:48Please get off me.
01:12:50Mom, tell audrey to quit pushing aunt edna on me.
01:12:53I'm sick of her lying on me all the time.
01:12:56Be quiet.
01:12:58Eddie.
01:12:59Honey, it's only a few hours to phoenix.
01:13:01Let her be. she's fine.
01:13:03She's not fine.
01:13:04She's fine. don't be silly.
01:13:07She's not fine, clark.
01:13:09She's dead.
01:13:11[ Tires squeal ] ew!
01:13:18 a dead person breathed on me!
01:13:21Her hand touched me! she's stiff already!
01:13:35Damn it anyway.
01:13:45She must have passed away somewhere near flagstaff.
01:13:49What are we going to do, clark?
01:13:55Well, we could leave her here and the first phone we pass, we could call your cousin normie, and he could come and get her, I guess.
01:14:00That's the meanest, coldest -- well, what do you want me to do, call federal express?
01:14:03Mom, we don't have to ride with a dead person, do we?
01:14:06Please say we don't.
01:14:08Yeah, come on, mom.
01:14:08It'd be real easy for cousin normie to find her.
01:14:10All he'd have to do is look for the buzzards.
01:14:12Aw, hell, then we'll drive her to cousin normie's, for pete's sake.
01:14:16I just didn't want to get caught up in a funeral, an inquest, and all that crap.
01:14:19You are the most self-centered, egotistical, manipulative -- don't say anything you'll regret, ellen.
01:14:27 if we drove straight through, we'd have three days at walley world at best.
01:14:30Three.
01:14:35She can't weigh more than 100 pounds.
01:14:39Oh, no.
01:14:39You can't put her up on that roof.
01:14:41Yes, he can.
01:14:42You want me to strap her to the hood?
01:14:44What's the difference? she'll be fine.
01:14:46It's not as if it's going to rain or something.
01:18:41[ Thunder crashes ] this is terrible.
01:19:03Ugh, what a nightmare.
01:19:19[ Doorbell rings ] don't just blurt it out about edna dying.
01:19:24How about if I ask them to play 20 questions?
01:19:29[ Doorbell rings ] he isn't even home.
01:19:36Maybe the neighbors know where he is.
01:19:38The moron knows we're coming, and he isn't home.
01:19:40Normie's always been flighty.
01:19:42He's always been a horse's ass.
01:19:44You watch your mouth.
01:19:45Here's a note.
01:19:47" jeez, what a worm.
01:20:11Oh!
01:20:13Darn it.
01:20:14It's locked.
01:20:20Okay, let's go.
01:20:21We can't leave her on the patio.
01:20:24Would you rather I slipped her into the night deposit box at the funeral home? come on.
01:20:28It's raining all over her.
01:20:30She can't catch a cold now, mom.
01:20:34Clark, we have to at least say something.
01:20:37Okay, bow your heads, bow your heads.
01:20:40Oh, god, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great despair.
01:20:46Yea, admit this good and decent woman into thine arms and the flock and thine heavenly area up there.
01:20:53Though the hindus speak of karma, clark.
01:20:55I implore you, give her -- give her a break.
01:20:58 I'll do it myself.
01:21:02Honey, I'm not an ordained minister.
01:21:04I'm doing my best, okay?
01:21:05Lord, we love this woman with all our hearts.
01:21:10Let's not overdo it, mom.
01:21:12Shut up.
01:21:13We know she deserves better than this, but my husband wants his beloved family to get to walley world to have their vacation.
01:21:21 have mercy on his soul.
01:21:24Amen. let's go.
01:21:26Come on.
01:21:26I hope at least you kids have learned something about life and death.
01:21:29Yeah, don't die unless somebody's home.
01:21:33Well, I think normie will understand when he sees the note we pinned on edna's sleeve.
01:21:37 you left his dead mother tied to a lawn chair in his backyard.
01:21:42I'm sure he won't mind.
01:21:44Look, it's all over and done with.
01:21:46We'll find a place to stay for the night, it's fine.
01:21:49I don't want to be in the car anymore.
01:21:51I want to go home.
01:21:52I don't want to go to walley world.
01:21:54Clark, under the circumstances, I wouldn't mind if we just went home.
01:21:57In retrospect, it seems like a pretty bad idea driving out.
01:22:00It's been one disaster after another.
01:22:02Yeah, it's been a real drag, dad.
01:22:05Maybe we can try it some other time.
01:22:07Walley world's overrated anyway.
01:22:11What do you think?
01:22:12[ Tires squeal ] I think you're all out of your minds.
01:22:16We're 10 hours from the fun park, and you want to bail out.
01:22:19I'll tell you something -- this is no longer a vacation.
01:22:22It's a quest. it's a quest for fun.
01:22:23I'm going to have fun, and you're going to have fun.
01:22:26We're all going to have so much damn fun, it'll take plastic surgery to remove our smiles from our faces.
01:22:31You'll be whistling "zip-a-dee-do-dah" ..
01:22:34I got to be crazy.
01:22:35I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose.
01:22:37Ha ha!
01:22:39Praise marty moose!
01:22:41Dad, you want an aspirin or something?
01:22:44Don't touch!
01:22:59The next time you have one of your outbursts, I'd appreciate it if you'd have some consideration for your kids.
01:23:04What are you talking about?
01:23:06You don't know?
01:23:07All I know is I'm trying to treat my family to a little fun.
01:23:10Oh, spare me, clark.
01:23:11I know your brand of family fun.
01:23:12Tomorrow, you'll probably kill the desk clerk, HOLD UP a McDonald's, and drive us 1,000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest ball of mud.
01:23:19You know what your problem is, ellen?
01:23:23You have an uncanny knack for looking at the dark side of things. that's your problem.
01:23:28You wouldn't know a good time if it came up and bit you.
01:23:31Where are you going?
01:23:32What do you care?
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01:26:25[ Jazz music playing ] aah!
01:27:08Waiting for someone?
01:27:12No.
01:27:13Do you mind if I sit down?
01:27:16Ha ha.
01:27:17Fancy seeing you here.
01:27:19Having a nice little family vacation?
01:27:23Hmm?
01:27:24OH. [ Chuckles ] It would appear so, wouldn't it?
01:27:29No, no, no.
01:27:30The truth of it is -- and this is highly confidential -- I own this motel.
01:27:36Yeah.
01:27:37I own the whole chain nationwide.
01:27:392,200 Units.
01:27:42Yeah, once a year, I travel across the country incognito, you know?
01:27:45Check things out, see how the operation's running.
01:27:47Well, I thought you were going to say you work for the cia.
01:27:51[ Laughs ] that's an old bit, huh?
01:27:55Really.
01:27:56Oh, no.
01:27:57No, I'm not with the cia.
01:27:59I was, but that was a long time ago.
01:28:01I don't like to talk about it, really.
01:28:04..
01:28:08And my airline.
01:28:09That's great.
01:28:10Yeah, well, I'm just trying to have a little fun.
01:28:13It's too bad you're married.
01:28:15I'm in the mood for some fun.
01:28:18Married?
01:28:19Oh, you mean those people I'm with?
01:28:22No, that's my brother's family.
01:28:24My brother's ring.
01:28:25No, I usually borrow them on these little inspection tours of mine.
01:28:30It sort of helps to complete the disguise.
01:28:33It's fun for them.
01:28:34It's a good disguise.
01:28:35I like the station wagon effect.
01:28:37Yeah, well, that's -- that's a big part of it.
01:28:40You know, in order to be convincing, you have to look and act like an ordinary jerk.
01:28:47You know, stop at all the stupid sites and look like a fool.
01:28:52Basically be yourself.
01:28:55Yeah.
01:28:56So you like the disguise?
01:29:01Yeah, my credo is -- if you have to have a credo -- you know, go for it, pretty much.
01:29:09You only go around this crazy merry-go-round once, you know?
01:29:14I agree.
01:29:15Yeah.
01:29:21Yeah, that's my credo.
01:29:27..
01:29:31..
01:29:33From heaven.
01:29:35My favorite credo, ..
01:29:38Ha ha.
01:29:41..
01:29:43..
01:29:46Thank you.
01:29:47[ Splash ] wow, this feels great.
01:29:55Well?
01:29:57Are you going to go for it?
01:29:59Uh, here?
01:30:01For starters, sure.
01:30:04Why not?
01:30:05Don't you swim?
01:30:07Oh, sure, yeah.
01:30:08..
01:30:11..
01:30:14Yeah, yeah. I swim. heck.
01:30:16..
01:30:17Feel completely at ease in the water.
01:30:20..
01:30:21I'm proficient in many strokes, and I dive, as a matter of fact.
01:30:25I could have been in the olympics.
01:30:28..
01:30:29Yeah.
01:30:30Yeah, I'll be right there.
01:30:33Yeah.
01:30:35This is crazy. this is crazy. this is crazy.
01:30:39Whew.
01:30:40How's the water?
01:30:41Exhilarating.
01:30:43I'm in deep.
01:30:45I'm in deep.
01:30:50Aah! cold! cold! aah!
01:30:54Aah!
01:30:55Clark?
01:30:56Cold!
01:30:59Jeez, this is -- aah!
01:31:08Clark?
01:31:09Hi, honey.
01:31:11What are you doing?
01:31:13Uh, swimming.
01:31:14..
01:31:16..
01:31:17I-i thought, you know, a good, hot swim, loosen up the muscles.
01:31:20Why go to the car to get the bathing suit?
01:31:23Jump right in.
01:31:24It's -- it's exhilarating.
01:31:26 this person here was, ..
01:31:29..
01:31:31..
01:31:33I screamed. you know, that's why I yelled.
01:31:35I was so surprised.
01:31:37You can imagine, can't you, honey?
01:31:43Honey?
01:31:44[ Door closes ] ..
01:31:57Can you excuse me?
01:31:59If you have to go.
01:32:00Well, I'd stay if I weren't married, but I am.
01:32:04I know.
01:32:05I hope I didn't spoil your evening.
01:32:08No, it's been interesting.
01:32:11Well, enjoy the rest of your trip.
01:32:14You, too.
01:32:23I can't believe this.
01:32:26I am so humiliated.
01:32:29How can he do this to mom?
01:32:32They'll probably get a divorce.
01:32:34Better go talk to him.
01:32:41Hey, sport.
01:32:42Hey, dad.
01:32:43What are you doing up?
01:32:44You woke the whole motel up, dad.
01:32:48Oh. ha ha ha.
01:32:50I was, uh, swimming.
01:32:52Yeah, I saw you.
01:32:55Russ, come here a minute.
01:32:59Russ, you know I wouldn't do anything to hurt your mom.
01:33:05..
01:33:09Jeez, I work -- I work very hard for you and audrey and your mom.
01:33:16I guess when you get older, you get these feelings, and these feelings make you do things you wouldn't normally do.
01:33:25Like swimming naked with girls?
01:33:27Yeah, like swimming naked with girls.
01:33:29With -- well, not with girls.
01:33:30You think I was swimming with girls?
01:33:32Well, just one girl. I saw her -- that girl.
01:33:35Oh, that -- that girl?
01:33:36Oh, no, that's a waitress.
01:33:38No, I was just ordering in.
01:33:40She's a pool waitress.
01:33:41I was ordering in some fish for you and audrey and mom.
01:33:45She took your order?
01:33:47She took my order, yeah.
01:33:49Swimming waitress.
01:33:51You understand, don't you, russ?
01:33:53Sure. yeah, I understand.
01:33:56You think mom will buy it?
01:34:00Good talk, son.
01:34:02Go to bed, russ.
01:34:04Good night.
01:34:10Ellen?
01:34:15Ellen?
01:34:17Honey?
01:34:21Are you mad?
01:34:24No.
01:34:26Do you like that girl?
01:34:30Is that what you want?
01:34:32Oh, no. no, no, no, no.
01:34:34How could I like a girl like that?
01:34:37She's ugly.
01:34:40I love you.
01:34:44I'm sorry about everything.
01:34:45I got angry because you were right and i knew it.
01:34:49I was hurt, honey.
01:34:51I'm sorry, too. it's not all your fault.
01:34:54 I'm going to try, too.
01:34:58I know how to have fun, and I'm going to prove it.
01:35:04Come on.
01:35:05Ellen -- come on!
01:35:06Ellen, what are we doing? come on.
01:35:07Honey, you really don't have to prove anything to me.
01:35:10Oh, come on, clark.
01:35:11I want us to have some fun together.
01:35:14Come on!
01:35:15Ellen, please don't.
01:35:16[ Splash ] aah!
01:35:20[ Splash ] it's freezing!
01:35:46[Music playing throughout] Clark: We're getting close.
01:39:47 everybody just take it easy.
01:39:49Just take it easy. we're going to be there.
01:39:55I know we're getting close. what is that?
01:39:58What is that?
01:39:59There it is.
01:40:00" dad, wow!
01:40:04Wow!
01:40:04♪♪ Walley world ♪♪
01:40:05we made it, damn it, we made it.
01:40:09Oh, the griswolds are one hell of a family, huh?
01:40:12We made it.
01:40:13I'm going to ride everything.
01:40:16There it is!
01:40:16 now -- watch out, watch out.
01:40:22[ Gasps ] it's beautiful.
01:40:26It's just beautiful.
01:40:30Oh, darling.
01:40:34We made it.
01:40:35You did it, clark.
01:40:37Sparky.
01:40:38 I love you.
01:40:53Ah.
01:40:55First ones here. first ones here.
01:41:00First ones here.
01:41:02But we're so far away, clark.
01:41:04Right, right.
01:41:05And at the end of the day, when the lot's all full and everybody's fighting to get out of here, we'll be the first ones out, too, right?
01:41:11Why?
01:41:13Because we're the griswolds.
01:41:17Ha!
01:41:18Ha ha ha.
01:41:19Come on, I'll race you.
01:41:20[ Theme from "chariots of fire" playing ] sorry, folks.
01:42:17We're closed for two weeks to clean and repair america's favorite family fun park.
01:42:23Sorry!
01:42:23[ Goofy laugh ] what?
01:42:27[ Distorted ] SORRY, FOLKS...
01:42:29Clark, what are you doing?
01:42:31We watch his program.
01:42:33We buy his toys. we go to his movies.
01:42:36He owes us. doesn't he owe us, huh?
01:42:38He owes the griswolds, right?
01:42:40Clark, you're scaring me.
01:42:42Don't be scared.
01:42:43I just think somebody owes us an explanation, that's all.
01:42:46Come on, come on, come on, come on.
01:42:48Clark.
01:42:49Just a minute.
01:42:55[ Tires screech ] honey, you want to check the mileage for me, please?
01:43:11Where are you going?
01:43:12I'll be right back.
01:43:13Just going to get some sporting goods.
01:43:15[ Tires screeching, horns honking ] clark, will you listen to me?
01:43:29Let's just find a hotel.
01:43:30I'll call my parents.
01:43:31 we can fly home and forget this entire vacation ever happened.
01:43:35Honey, honey, just relax, okay?
01:43:36I told you, I'm not angry anymore.
01:43:38I'm in complete control.
01:43:38I'm sure they're not repairing every ride at the same time.
01:43:41I think they owe us a little explanation.
01:43:43I think they owe us a little fun, okay?
01:43:44Whatever happens, just trust me.
01:43:46Will you just trust me, huh, kids?
01:43:53Sorry, folks. park's closed.
01:43:54The moose out front should have told you.
01:43:56Yes, we're here to see mr. roy walley.
01:43:59What is your name, sir?
01:44:01Clark w. griswold.
01:44:04What's this regarding, mr. grizzle?
01:44:06Uh, we're here for public relations -- summer inspection -- personal matter.
01:44:10Ah.
01:44:11Inspe well, nobody notified this office of, um, of anything.
01:44:19Well, I'm notifying you.
01:44:21I'm afraid I'm going to need a little more than that, sir.
01:44:24Okey-dokey. how's this?
01:44:26Ohh!
01:44:27 where did you get that?
01:44:30 now you listen to me.
01:44:32Do what I say, and there won't be any problem, okay? okay.
01:44:35We just drove 2,460 miles just for a little roy walley entertainment.
01:44:39 I say you're open.
01:44:41We're not really violent people.
01:44:44This is our first gun.
01:44:46No, it isn't.
01:44:48What's going on here?
01:44:50You, freeze! freeze!
01:44:52Sit! sit! come on!
01:44:54Lie down. let's go. lie down!
01:44:58Roll over.
01:45:00Stay.
01:45:01 come on. stay.
01:45:12Yahoo!
01:45:13This is scary, isn't it?
01:45:14You boys and girls make sure you keep your hands on the handlebars at all times.
01:45:18We don't want any accidents.
01:45:20Is that a real gun, mom?
01:45:21I don't know, rusty, but when this is all over, your father may be going away for a little while.
01:45:28Boy, I sure am bushed.
01:45:29Have you had enough yet, sir?
01:45:31What do you mean, bushed?
01:45:32Where are the big rides -- the big ones?
01:45:40The screamy mimi. let's go. get in the front.
01:45:44Come on. come on, russ. huh?
01:45:48Has your father ever killed anyone before?
01:45:51Oh, just a dog. oh, and my aunt edna.
01:45:53Hey, you can't prove that, rusty.
01:45:56Ohh.
01:45:59Rusty? may I call you rusty?
01:46:00I had a bad experience on this ride once before.
01:46:04What happened?
01:46:05I threw up.
01:46:07[ Track squeals ] no, don't do that again.
01:46:35[ Screaming ] [ screaming ] goody, goody, goody, goody, the loop-the-loop.
01:51:21Come on, get in there. let's go, huh, kids?
01:51:24Come on. isn't this fun, honey?
01:51:26Come on.
01:51:27That's not a real gun, is it, clark?
01:51:30What, are you kidding? this is a magnum p.i.
01:51:33It's a bb gun.
01:51:34 I can put an eye out with this thing.
01:51:36You couldn't even break the skin with that thing.
01:51:38It could. it could. it could break the skin.
01:51:40It could put a lodge under the skin and cause a very bad infection.
01:51:43That's an old wives' tale, clark. I'm tellin'.
01:51:45YOU'RE NOT GOING TO -- [ Gun clicks ] Ooh!
01:51:48Clark.
01:51:49You see? I told you. I warned you.
01:51:50You wrecked these pants, you're paying for them.
01:51:53I'll pay for them -- you pay for them!
01:51:56What'd you shoot me for?
01:51:57It's a bb gun. I told you it was a bb gun.
01:51:59Well, it hurt, you know.
01:52:00What do you want? what'd you shoot me for?
01:52:02You tried to run away. I wasn't going anywhere.
01:52:04Well, I thought you were.
01:52:05Rusty: This is great, dad.
01:52:10[ Screaming ] [ chattering ] freeze!
01:53:00[ Gasp ] don't shoot!
01:53:05You, out!
01:53:07All right, hands behind your heads.
01:53:11Spread your legs apart.
01:53:12Up against the wall.
01:53:14You two over there.
01:53:18Just a bb gun.
01:53:20You're all under arrest.
01:53:21..
01:53:24Watch your hands, mister.
01:53:27...Be used against you in a court of law.
01:53:32 how many are there?
01:53:36I don't know.
01:53:36Whatever they want, we'll pay them, we'll pay them.
01:53:39Tell me, what's going on?
01:53:40Well, we've got it all under control, sir.
01:53:42These people are terrorists. where?
01:53:44!
01:53:45Hello, mr. walley.
01:53:46Mr. walley, he treated me like a dog, mr.
01:53:47Walley.
01:53:48He humiliated my human decency, this guy here.
01:53:49What did he do with your dog?
01:53:51 walley, but I want to tell you, I had a great time on your rides.
01:53:53It was the most fantastic time I've ever had in my life.
01:53:55I like the part where I was really way up high there.
01:53:57I'm glad you like it. now, what's happening?
01:53:59It's roy walley, honey.
01:54:02My name is russ lasky.
01:54:03I met you at the summer picnic last year, and I just want to tell you -- I don't remember.
01:54:06 but i was the one who was sick.
01:54:08 walley, I went on all the rides, and, you know, I didn't even get sick this time.
01:54:12Normally, I get sick on all your rides -- quiet!
01:54:16Uh, mr. walley? roy?
01:54:19Uh, I think I can make some sense out of this.
01:54:22Well, somebody better explain, or there'll -- there'll be a lot of explaining to do.
01:54:28Uh, I'm clark w. griswold.
01:54:30Oh.
01:54:31And, oh, this is my wife, ellen.
01:54:33Hi. we're really big fans of yours.
01:54:35We watch your show all the time.
01:54:37And my children audrey and rusty.
01:54:40Nice family.
01:54:41Uh, we're from chicago, roy -- the windy city.
01:54:45Oh, yes, I've been there many times, yes.
01:54:47Yeah, we just spent two weeks of living hell driving out here, [ Voice cracking ] LOST A VERY DEAR MEMBER Of the family along the way.
01:54:59But the important thing, roy, is that we could have gone anywhere we wanted to this summer, you know? anywhere in the world.
01:55:04But when I asked my kids -- when I said -- kids, you remember when I said, "where would you like to go this summer " what'd you say?
01:55:12Hawaii.
01:55:13Shut up, russ. audrey, remember?
01:55:16Uh, walley world, dad?
01:55:18"Walley world, dad." roy, walley world.
01:55:20I don't imagine you have any children, mr.
01:55:21Walley.
01:55:24Are you kidding? I have seven.
01:55:25I thought so. seven. did you hear that, honey?
01:55:29You look so young.
01:55:31You do look very young.
01:55:32..
01:55:33Did you ever drive them across country?
01:55:36Oh, hell, yes.
01:55:36Took the whole clan to florida one year -- worst two weeks I ever had in my life.
01:55:41The smell from the back seat was unbearable.
01:55:44Ooh. I know that smell. I know that smell.
01:55:47..
01:55:49Can you imagine how your kids would have felt if when you got to florida, it was closed?
01:55:53Oh, they don't close florida.
01:55:55Oh, I know they don't close the state of florida, but, you know, when we got here to roy walley world, and it was closed down, roy, ..
01:56:06I guess I just went a little haywire.
01:56:08You went a lot haywire if you ask me.
01:56:10Well, I'm very sorry, sir, and I'm sorry to all these people here.
01:56:13I didn't mean any harm.
01:56:14I just want you to ask yourself one thing.
01:56:16If you were -- if you were me, wouldn't you do the same thing for your children?
01:56:23No.
01:56:23We're all finished here, mr. walley.
01:56:25You want me to take them downtown and book them?
01:56:28..
01:56:31No, no. forget it, officer.
01:56:33I'm not going to press any charges.
01:56:35Ohh!
01:56:40Walley!
01:56:41What'd I tell you? what'd I tell you?
01:56:42Did I say "trust me," huh?
01:56:44[ Laughs ] [ screaming ] ♪♪ we went dancin' ♪♪
01:56:52♪♪ 'cross the usa ♪♪
01:56:579hN p68P@8@nH8P@8@nHHVP>X&8PHN@nHVP>H8P@8@nX&HVH8P@n@8HVHP>X &8P@8H@nHVP>X&8PH@8@nH8P@n@8HV H8P@80o8W@?H'8PHJ0o8W@?H'8P0o xN8W@?H'xNHoWP xNHoW0wxNHoW0wxNHoW0wxNHoW8óxNHoW xNHoW xNHoW xNHoW xNW xNW xNW xNW xNW pMxNx5WhrpMxNx5WhrpMxN 8BW8r8BW8r8BW8r8BW8r8BW8r8BW8r8BW8r8BW 8BW ú8B HW 8BúW 8BúW 8BúW 8BúW H8BúzWH@8BxzWH@8BxzWH@ WH@ Wx/ Wx/ Wx/ Wx/ Wx/ Wx/ Wx/ W(ñ W@ñ W@ñ 0Jhwx 0júwx ú0júwx ú0júwx 0júw0x 0júw0x 0júw0x 0júw0x 0júw0x 0júw0x 0júwhx 0júwhx 0júwhx 0JúWúX 0JúWúX 0JúWúX 0JxWxX 0JxWxX 0JxWxX 0J 0j 0j (y 0j(x@y 0j(x@y @(x@y @(x@y @(x@y @(XXY @@XpY @@XpY @@XpY @XXpY(>XXpYXXpYpX(!
01:57:55pápZxBPiúpápZxBPiúpápZxBPiúpápZxBPi Announcer:FROM NEW YORK CITY, "Comedy central presents": Dan naturman.

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